The Narcissist Is A Chameleon Void of Any Authenticity.
The most amazing thing about a Narcissists is their ability of change to suit any relationship.
They are similar to chameleons in which they can change on a dime effectively altering who and what they are to blend into any environment for their own self gain.
However, it is important to note that these inconsistencies serve only one purpose; to get attention, the ego stroke, and meeting their needs.
The truth is their behaviour, the Narcissistic rage, the devalue and discard is exactly the same.
All of the projection, the malicious acts, lies, hovering, smearing, lack of conscience, and the lack of remorse is identical to past relationships.
A Narcissist has many different masks to suit each new supply and consequently each changing environment.
Narcissist may refuse to do one thing or refuse to give up certain things only to go and do exactly what they stated they didn’t believe in, didn’t do, or never would do.
Take for example my own situation with my Malignant Narcissist and remember this is only an example , each case might be altered to suit the relationship and the Narcissists individual needs ,,, In my case:
• He rarely took family photos as he refused to acknowledge cameras directly with eye contact.
• No discussion as he would have you talk to his back or follow him while walking room to room.
• No communication only emails or handwritten notes he left behind.
What was my Narcissist relationship like?
A life full of secrets, promiscuity, adultery, and infidelity.
Nothing that ever added up as every action is and was questionable.
Countless other women always ready and waiting in the background.
Many late night business meetings, late arrivals home, no personal phone calls, then I learnt he would call the girlfriend in waiting after leaving me to have her ready upon his arrival from wherever he was.
One thing worth mentioning is that the Narcissist will ask you a question such as this:
Do you have anything else to tell me or offer me?
This is a way for them to learn more information, gather up your personal information that they can later twist or alter in an effort to use against you.
They always want to know what others have so they can get a good feel for what you possess, the items that you can then use against them to prove the truth about them, like; documents, newspaper articles, pictures, emails, court records and papers, etc.
The Narcissist knows that when you learn about the facade, when the mask falls, when the love bombing and honeymoon phase has ended, you will begin to question actions, realise you are doing all the work and putting in all the effort, that you are in a one sided relationship, you will start to examine the Narcissist more closely, you won’t accept his statements as facts and you will go to whatever resources you have acquired.
This might mean talking to friends, gathering up relevant information and locating those documents which now he knows exists.
Remember that day when he did the discovery and questioned you?
He will now go to your best friend and tell her lies, he might go to a family member and try to establish a friendship or convince them that you are crazy.
It is all about power, control and keeping others below them.
The Narcissist senses a sort of power, has a grandiose ego, they feel they are truly above the law.
These subtle ways of inquiry helps provide them with exactly what they need.
Watch for the subtle and casual questions that might seem innocent at the time, that will pop up from time to time throughout the relationship.
Relationships with Narcissists are not give and take, it is one sided with one person doing all the work to keep it all going.
Will Narcissists change like chameleons adapting to a new environment with the new supply?
Yes in fact, guess where he went on a trip with the new supply on his birthday?
To the very place he refused to go with his own family.
Narcissists will alter their behaviour just enough to make the new supply believe in them, thinking they changed and thinking that everyone else was wrong or had a personal vendettas.
Clearly the victim is on cloud nine, not wishing to think this wonderful person could be so destructive.
Not thinking the past lover or spouse wants to spare her the same pain she experienced.
She doesn’t understand that the Narcissist never changes, the pattern is the same and in time she will experience the exact same fate.
Narcissists change in the sense they have to alter their behaviours to fit the specific environment.
What worked on you is not the same technique that will work on the next one.
Narcissists can’t simply have the same routine for each new supply.
Can you imagine always having to change yourself to avoid your own authenticity and Never truly being true to yourself?!
My Narcissist made it a habit and a lifestyle to Runaway from the truths, from responsibility, from accountability, and if caught it was easy to walk away as he was never connected personally to any subject matter.
The normal behaviours of denial, fabrication, smearing, altering facts, and hiding from the truth by leaving behind past friends and past relationships was commonplace.
Always reinventing a new self, a new life, a new job and a new project that will produce new results.
In fact resigning from work because people were catching on or questioning his behaviours and actions, was just as easy as leaving behind a family with no remorse, no apologies and no regrets.
If you find yourself playing detective in a relationship you know it’s time to vacate.
I found myself questioning everything that came from him.
Victims might question their own actions or behaviours thinking maybe it was them, maybe they weren’t attractive or attentive enough.
Narcissists are not authentic or true to themselves.
If they always hated the colour red and you said that to them, they will suddenly put on a red shirt.
They never want their agenda made public.
Narcissists are already dead.
They need energy from others to survive and fill up their false sense of self.
Narcissists survive by having a constant source of supply and having the ability to cast off their inner self loathing and self projection on to someone else.
Making their problems your problems. Making others always feel sorry for them, never accepting accountability or responsibility for their own actions which in turn allows them the space they need to create the delusion of ‘existing‘.
In order for a Narcissist to get back at you and punish you they will seek out and find your weak spots to trigger a reaction.
By having a reaction to the Narcissists constant degradation, negativity, toxicity, mental mind games, and behaviours creates stirred up internal emotions and reactions which allows the Narcissist plenty of the supply they need to survive.
The only way a Narcissist can exist is to find people’s weak spots and try to use those fears and inner wounds, against them.
If it provides energy or food for the Narcissist by granting one wish to the new supply to get back at a previous romantic partner or ex supply then they will do it just to illicit a response.
In essence they make others feel bad for their own insecurities that they are projecting upon to make it appear as their own.
How can you prevent this from occurring?
• Heal yourself.
•Work on any internal fears or inner wounds that might exist.
• Love yourself to raise your bar higher.
• Stay true to yourself, and don’t believe the hype.
• Know your value and never settle for less than you deserve.
• Never allow toxic people to have any control over your own emotions and actions.
• Remove anyone who is no longer serving your needs.
• Surround yourself with supportive individuals especially those who have experienced Narcissism.
• Educate yourself about Narcissistic Personality Disorder and similar disorders, traits, characteristics.
Maintain No Contact with strong boundaries.