The Pieces Of My Broken Heart.
When you left it broke my heart into a million piece and it is going to take time to heal but I’m going to put myself back together.
I’m going to completely and utterly fall apart.
I’m going to cry until my eyes sting and scream into my pillows.
I’m going to spend all day in bed.
But as much as it hurts I won’t ever call you or ask you to change your mind because I’m not that kind of a woman.
I don’t beg, plead or crawl for anyone.
However I won’t be able to help but check my phone all the time wishing your name pops up reaching out to tell me you miss me.
I will read old messages, look at pictures and cry because I know that I will never be able to get you back.
I won’t keep the pain inside because it will only hurt more if I did.
I will wallow and let myself feel bad because eventually the tears will have to stop.
I will spend every last bit of my energy pretending that I don’t miss you.
I will tell everyone that I’m over you even though I still think about you all the time.
I will live by the fake it till you make it rule.
I will probably go home and cry about how much I miss you.
Until I finally realise that pretending it doesn’t hurt won’t make it go away.
So I will resolve to really move on because no one deserves to feel like this.
Then, I will slowly begin to collect the pieces of my broken heart and put myself back together.
I will keep myself busy even distracted.
I will focus on work and get a new hobby.
I will become the best version of myself that you will never have the privilege of knowing.
I will find things that will slowly fill the hole you left in my heart.
I will keep myself busy so that I can think of you less and less.
Until eventually you won’t be the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning or the last thing I think of before I drift off to sleep.
Eventually the tears from missing you will become less frequent as will my thoughts of you altogether.
I will finally find some relief in forgetting you and then I’m going to find myself without you.
I will no longer let you define who I am.
I’m going to become the person I have always wanted to be.
It will happen slowly but when it happens I will rise from the burnt ashes like a phoenix.
I will focus on who I am,
On who I am becoming,
On who I want to be so much so that missing you gets pushed aside until one day it no longer hurts.
I will realise that I’m on to a bigger and better things and I have completely outgrown you.
And don’t lie to yourself I won’t be doing any of this to try to get you back because I will be way past that.
And that is the most important part.
I will do it because I owe it to myself.
I won’t let what you did affect another second of my life.
I will let the idea of us truly come to an end so that I can finally free myself from you.
I won’t do anything in spite of you or to make you notice me.
I will do everything for me.
I will find a way to truly be happy without you.
And that is when you are going to start missing me.