The Question Of ‘When’ After The Discard!!
This is one of the hardest things to process about being discarded.
It’s the constant wondering if and when he will decide that he wants to take you back out of the trash pile and give you another chance.
You spend days and nights going over every single detail and feeling completely helpless.
You check your phone all the time desperately hoping that you are unblocked and will receive a call or a message from him telling you how sorry he is for hurting you.
You hope that he comes to his senses and realise all along what an amazing person you are and that he can’t live without you.
You wish more than anything that you can just go back to when it all first began and be able to see him again.
The thing you have to understand is that it was never about you ,, it has been and will always continue to be about him.
He will only come around if it’s beneficial to him.
He won’t come back and hoover if he feels like you are of no value to him.
He doesn’t care about how much you miss him or love him.
He only cares about what you can do for him.
If you are willing to tolerate being walked on, conned and played then he may come back but it’s not guaranteed.
If he has enough fresh supply that is giving him all the things he got bored of when he was with you, then chances are that he may never come back.
If you called him out and unmasked him then he may not come back because he doesn’t want any further damage to his precious sense of fake self.
If he know that your greatest fear is being abandoned, then he may not come back because the sick little Sadist that he is enjoys to see you in complete torment and despair.
I know first hand how hard it is and still somedays since I was discarded 3 years ago, I sadly find myself missing him and wondering if he will ever want me back.
Then there are other days where I’m starting to come to terms with everything that has happened and focus on healing.
Instead of me constantly wondering, I just keep giving myself a friendly reminder that I was lucky for being discarded.
He did me a favour because the reality is, I was never going to be happy having him in my life.
It was a continuous cycle of me doing all the giving and him doing all the taking without any shame.
I was constantly being devalued and compared to other women he has been with.
I know that if he ever came back around and I allowed him back in my life, the same cycle of emotional and mental abuse will repeat itself.
He will never treat me with respect.
He will never care about me.
He will never be someone that I can depend on.
He will always flirt and sleep with other women.
He will never be honest.
He will always use me and abuse me.
He will never value me as an individual.
He will never care about my feelings.
He will never appreciate my love to him.
I didn’t want to feel like that anymore so the time away from him has given me the chance to reflect and realise that I deserve so much better.
The power is not in his hands, it’s in yours.
Take control of your own life and go live.
You owe it to yourself to live that beautiful life the way you were meant to before he came into your life.
Don’t let him take so much away from you and don’t keep pouring your love into a person who will never appreciate a single ounce of it.
You are letting your own life pass you by when you are wasting it caring about a person who doesn’t give a single damn about you.
Don’t wait around for him to give you a chance.
Don’t lower yourself to think that you need to beg or plead for someone to keep you around.
If he doesn’t see your value then screw him!
Let him walk away and don’t you dare let him back in.
If he has hurt you before, you best believe that he will do it again.
If he cheated before, he will do it again.
Don’t think for one second that things will somehow get better.
That’s the truth and you need to accept it so you can truly move on.
Let go so you can start being happy and free.
You need to start learning to love yourself so that you never give someone so much control over your life again.
You need to remind yourself of what a kind, compassionate, loving and a caring person you are.
You are all the wonderful things that The Narcissist is not.
You will eventually be so much better off because you actually get to move forward but he will will always be stuck with himself.
Don’t be fooled by thinking that he is truly happy or enjoying his life.
Internally, he feels the complete opposite and has a deep underlying shame within himself.
He will never be able to change and forever be stuck in the same repetitious cycle of idealising, devaluing and discarding of everyone he can use.
Don’t settle for that because you deserve better than that.
You are worthy of so much more than waiting on someone who has so harshly cut you off of his life without any remorse.
My advice to you now is to grieve, hurt, cry and feel heartbroken as long as you need to but then pick yourself up so you can laugh, dance, smile, breathe and shed happy tears knowing that you made it through the darkness and managed to find your light again.