The Real Reason Why The Narcissist Punishes You!
When we are hooked up in Narcissistic Abuse in our normal life of gauging things from the outside in our real life experiences tell us that the Narcissist, is brutalising us like our worst enemy, relentlessly and manically.
As if this person is taking incredible pleasure doing so and for whatever reason he won’t give up.
We also have the compounding horror that we seem to be trapped in this!
Why can’t we walk away?
Why can’t we leave?
And even if we have physically left we can’t seem to leave emotionally.
And why do we keep getting drawn back in time and time again?
If we are honest with ourselves we know that the torture in some crazy way extends to the way we are torturing ourselves.
But is that it?
Is that the whole picture, or is there something more going on here?
I promise you the deep exploration of this question is, what can you learn from the Narcissist’s punishment? is the Thriver Model, and it is a fundamental key to recovery, the understanding of how much the Narcissist is in fact the messenger of something deeper that we need to understand.
How Narcissists Target Wounds?
Narcissists connect with you deeply or so it seems.
And this is exactly how a Narcissist needs to operate because they fear people.
Narcissists are hugely insecure, they have fragile egos, they don’t trust others, and their beliefs and behaviours are very egotistical outer survival based and steeped in fear, competition and neediness.
This means that Narcissists need to control others.
Somewhere in their past they learnt that their True Self was not adequate to get its needs met, and what was required to not be emotionally annihilated was a False Self, a buffer that could pretend to be someone who the Narcissist is not to manipulate, deceive and avoid accountability.
The False Self defences are this: If I control you, you can’t hurt me again.
This is the replay of original childhood wounds, this time as a more equipped and practiced adult, using tactics to survive from the terror of the alive and festering wounds inside the Narcissist wounds of childhood neglect, abuse or enmeshment.
It is vital to understand that old unhealed wounds are a KEY in regard to anyone’s self destructive, unwholesome or unhealthy behaviour.
Therefore the Narcissist needs to know the enemy, anyone close to him.
The Narcissist gets to know you intimately, and in order to gather information he asks questions and listens attentively to find your weak spots.
The Narcissist knows that by hitting these weak spots that you are crippled emotionally and this causes you to hand power over by regressing into reactivity, helplessness and powerlessness.
The Narcissist discovered the following at a very early age, deliver low blows that are people’s chinks and you can control them.
And it works every time, because when we have our own unhealed and unfinished childhood business we become that child emotionally in the fray.
We try to make the Narcissist change his opinion of us.
We try to get them to take it back, and we try to make him get how wrong that statement, behaviour and action was.
We pretend we are the parent trying to get a Narcissist to behave like a mature, respectful adult and be decent.
But that is NOWHERE near the REAL truth.
The TRUTH is that we have regressed back to the child at the age of our unhealed wounds, and we are assigning the Narcissist as the parent to FIX it this time.
This goes for every weak spot that the Narcissist is hammering you with.
Think about it and you will start connecting the dots and realising how true this is.
Please understand that it is not like the average Narcissist is a psychologist and knows how this works and what is really going on.
Unconsciousness is unconsciousness, and unconsciousness means, I have no idea what I am generating with Life personal responsibility or what is really going on with my OWN consciousness emotional and spiritual health.
The Narcissist is not likely to understand his wounded childhood plight let alone yours, but does know how to hook you and get Narcissistic Supply as well as punish you to avoid his own dysfunctions painful inner landscape by lining you up, projecting his self loathing on to you and making you become the wrong
and crazy one.
This is where perpetual victims who are very unconscious go into overdrive.
They play the righteous parent
against the Narcissist, they fight back, join Groups, spew damnation, research and share everything about Narcissists trying to call them out and expose them.
But despite all their highly charged efforts they can never hold the Narcissist accountable, they never feel vindicated and they don’t get better.
The reason is that they are NOT meant to heal that way.
Because that orientation is a completely wrong turn away from our healing and only creates a deeper cementing into victimisation.
Missing the Message or Getting it,
The Victim Model creates ongoing trauma, powerlessness and blaming the Narcissist.
I have never seen one person operating in this model and managed to get better.
In stark contrast I have seen them just get addicted to information about Abusers and joining in with other people who are also obsessed with finding out and sharing everything they can about Narcissists.
From a Higher Perspective, as well as my own personal journey and sharing liberation with thousands of others, I know exactly why they are not getting better, because they are not working with the truth.
The truth is that we created at soul level contracts for these people to come into our lives.
No one would from the limited human logical perspective choose to be abused by a Narcissist.
What I totally do know, however, is that at a Higher Soul Level we wish to evolve and there is no better way to evolve ourselves than to be pushed into the density of darkness to be forced to transcend it and come out released into the light.
It is a journey of Return To Love, it is a journey of releasing ourselves from the illusions of fear, pain, separation and judgements and coming face to face with our wounds that were originally unconscious of not being self partnered and self loving which were holding us back from an expanded life experience.
I promise you if you were born into a family of Narcissists this is a soul journey.
You are not just evolving in this life.
We are born with existing emotional belief system DNA, generational DNA and past life unresolved trauma.
There is a Higher Reason for all of it, and the best way to get the message delivered of what we need to heal within ourselves is to have someone else bring these wounds forth for us in such a way that we can’t ignore them anymore.
THAT person is a Narcissist.
Garden variety abusers aren’t so heartless, exact or punishing and often we miss those messages.
Narcissists do it more powerfully than any other person and their incredible purpose as a False Self is to NOT STOP delivering the torture until you get the message.
And there is no other solution to your Narcissistic Abuse experience of personal higher evolution other than healing your wounds that they are exposing you, because you can’t beat a Narcissist with logical defences, righteousness, blaming, trying to expose them, researching more about them or joining groups that demonise them.
And you certainly can’t free yourself from the torture of your inner wounds which have been hammered and activated.
That is what all the symptoms of POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER is.
I promise you, it is your unhealed, disowned wounds that is eating you alive, the wounds that only you can turn to.
The truth is this, You can’t heal any other way than to get the message because this isn’t about the Narcissist, it is about healing your own wounds.
When you receive the message and heal those original wounds I promise you the messenger being the Narcissist won’t not need to be in your reality anymore, let alone abusing you.
Because the Higher Perspective, the reality of what is really going in is addressed.
And it is the only way we are set free.
Facing Our Wounds
If we are unconscious and stuck in victimhood and blaming, our wounds can be hard to acknowledge.
We also have the conditioned beliefs, It is not safe to be vulnerable and wounded, so most of us set up elaborate defences around ourselves in order to not be rejected, abandoned or punished and we refused to look at our own Inner Beings, thinking that would mean more lack of love and abuse.
Nothing could be further from the truth! Because when we do come inside and self partner, we change our entire life beyond description from the inside out which is where it needs to happen and we wonder how on earth we were living any differently.
This is the New Love Revolution Model for our world where one person at a time, as a result of becoming authentic and free of emotional inner wounds, we will change our world beyond description.
What it does mean is that we are anchored in our own bodies with maturity, solidness, self love and self respect and we are no longer derailed by our young childhood wounds that were all about not loving and respecting ourselves.
No longer are we showing up in ways that hands our power over because of the unfinished business of fear of rejection, punishment or abandonment from others.
This is a model of becoming truthful and showing up as an authentic self.
It is a model that when we become self partnered, authentic and self loving. Abuse is never our reality again.
We become conscious.
We don’t harbour pain, fear and judgement.
We are freed from all of these cycles in order to enjoy real life Powerfully.
Without being Narcissistically Abused, for most of us, that would never have been possible.
We would have just continued living out the normal pain of not being self partnered, not ever healing our wounds and never knowing what our Highest Self and Life was truly capable of.
The relief of being real with ourselves is astounding.
Showing up and telling ourselves,
Inner Being I know you are wounded, I love you unconditionally, and I am doing everything I can to partner and heal you is comforting.
We realise when we start doing this for real that this level of love was the love we have been looking for all along thinking we could get it from outside of ourselves but discovering that what we were getting instead was only more of our wounds.
Now you know why?!
I totally believe that everyone who has been Narcissistically Abused is on the soul journey to clean this up.
This Stuff Has Not Just Played Out With the Narcissist
We may think that our wound
only happened with the Narcissist, or even that the Narcissist caused it to begin with.
You may wonder how this relates to if we were born into a family of Narcissistic Abuse.
This is in relation to previous DNA, your soul’s journey and what your Higher Self wants your evolution path to evolve beyond.
I do not, as a previous past life regression, or a soul healer believe in any shape of form that this lifetime is all that we have experienced or will experience.
There is also a bigger collective purpose for all of us.
Not only do we have the ability to liberate ourselves from emotional wounds and trauma, we are also healing for our children, future generations and humanity in general as a result of evolving ourselves.
Truly, we are all in this together, and this is the proactive movement that will be effective in freeing our world from Abuse.
So the bottom line is, no matter from who or when our wounds were created, we need to understand the deep patterns within ourselves and heal them in order to set ourselves free.
As a child you were powerless, but as an adult you are not.
And when we don’t get the message that is being delivered to us, Life will turn up the volume trying everything it can to get our attention.
This is why it makes so much more sense and works so much more effectively when we turn around, go inside ourselves and do that.
Thank goodness that the Narcissistic experience was so big I finally found and released and up levelled the trauma energy trapped in my subconscious which had been generating the effects ever since.
Not only did I transcend past any attachment to Narcissists, I also improved every area of my life as a result of being able to show up without this emotional terror.
How Do We Work Out Our Pain?
It is crazy simple when you stop trying to figure out emotions logically.
Especially when you have a process to do it.
And it is vital because you need to understand that your logical mind was never meant to be in charge of sorting through emotional triggers.
It has no ability to do that.
That process is the most profound way to get the message and work with it.
It is a powerful way to shift ourselves beyond the traumas that were keeping us emotionally stuck to and abused by Abusers.
It is incredibly simple to do because all we need as the starting point is to start listening to our bodies.
It stores all information, it is connected to our evolution and it knows everything about us.
I promise you your logical mind doesn’t have access to these deeper truths.
And it is this simple, truly all you need to do is tune into What hurts the most right now? emotionally.
No longer do we need to do the logical and exhaustive exercises of researching copious amount of information about Narcissists, seeing any number of therapists, reading countless books or attending seminars on all sorts of different topics in an effort to get relief and get well.
Because ALL we ever need to do is go inside our own body.
That is it I promise you then that each trauma will be shifted and transformed.
That is the exact direct and simple process.
It is so interesting how in our disconnection from ourselves and being thrown into our heads by human conditioning that we have become so confused, disorientated and so outer focused that we have over complicated our healing to ridiculous proportions.
And of course the huge block is being taught to stay in our heads and NOT self partner emotionally.
Because of course that would mean we could never resolve, heal and integrate with ourselves.
Truly there is no need to over complicate anything anymore.
There is no need for analysis paralysis and before we know it we just start breaking free from trauma, the Narcissist and we start to get well.
And the attacks coming from outside of us will stop because there is no wound left inside generating it for the purpose of our own evolution.
Our Unhealed Wounds With the Narcissists and How the Narcissist shows up?!
When the Narcissist comes into your life he has worked out what turns you on.
He has sensed what your wound is and then appears to be the saviour of that wound.
For example if fear of abandonment is big for you, the Narcissist will pretend to be loyal beyond measure, totally committed and would never leave you or betray you.
How the devaluation happens?
The Narcissist inevitably will need to punish you when you have not appeased the False Self enough, and he fears that you may be getting the upper hand, or your own autonomy.
Your major emotional wound(s) will be a target.
So for example the Narcissist may at a time when you feel all snug and secure, pull the carpet out from under you and dump you without warning.
You will be triggered into your young abandonment wound and react with panic, rather than pull away you will attach your energy to the Narcissist even more.
Why you are hooked and the result of being hooked?
Life is very insistent about trying to make the unconscious conscious.
If we are wounded and we are receiving someone attacking our wounds and we don’t go inside ourselves to heal these wounds will keep attacking our wounds.
This usually compounds with people used for abuse by proxy, legal personnel and court systems.
The longer we stay unconscious the more we hang on, can’t let go, and the more our activated wounds get compounded with no relief or healing.
We try to force the person who has activated our wounds to heal it for us, because we have unconsciously assigned him as the original role model who did hurt us in the first place.
But this never works, so we may start up a secondary addiction and obsession such as Abuse Forum venting, drinking, drugs, sex or shopping to try to escape the pain of the addiction to making the Narcissist responsible for the healing of our original wounds.
We disintegrate further rather than use the experience to integrate.
How you get unhooked and the results of breaking free?
It is essential to realise that there is a bigger picture purpose to all of this and that Life and your Soul are working for you and not against you.
What is happening to you is all a vital message to come home to yourself to heal, get inside your body, be in contact with your subconscious and heal your inner traumas and wounds in order to evolve yourself and your life experience.
When you do find and up level these wounds a profound shift in consciousness occurs.
You grow that part of yourself.
And what this means is that you start showing up on this topic as an adult and no longer a wounded child.
Then you see the game for what it is. There is no need to fix, change, stop or justify anything.
There is no more the feelings of intense love, bonding and connection that you had whilst trying to recreate an Abuser as a loving parent this time.
In fact you will become turned off by this person, even repulsed, then indifferent and eventually feel compassion for the Narcissist, all from a distance.
Knowing that you have grown through this experience in ways that create the most incredible joy and freedom in life, but this person will forever remain trapped in their childhood wounds because he will remain unconscious.
But you didn’t ,, you woke up.
And you feel an incredible gratitude, because there is absolutely no need to get the message any more, you have moved way beyond it and now enjoying the benefits.
When the focus is on the Narcissist and does not contain the Higher Self spiritual beliefs of, there is a Higher Reason for this, then we are left with only the formula of victimisation with no way inside ourselves to go to the origin of why this is happening.
There has to be a better way and there is a better way.
A direct way, a powerful way and a way that grants us relief very quickly, because our Inner Being knows we are on track regarding evolving ourselves.