Why The Narcissist Seems To Hate You?
Being the target of Narcissistic Hatred is the most confusing experience you will have in your life.
It is wrought with ironies, opposites and sleight of hand.
Just when you think you have come out of the nightmare, you wake up in the middle of another one and there doesn’t seem to be any relief in sight.
It is absolutely soul shattering to give your all to the Narcissist and feel like you have finally made some progress in getting through to him, only for him to smack you down with the most hateful and scathing episode to date.
It is as though he truly hates you down to the core of your soul.
As if he can barely stand to be in the same room with you or breathing the same air as you and he probably have told you this in so many words, but you are so traumatised by the sheer spite in his voice during these episodes, you have a hard time remembering everything he said.
The irony is that just when things seem to be truly over and you have accepted in your heart and soul that it is time to move on, the Narcissist changes back to being seemingly nice and perhaps even affectionate.
It is so utterly confusing.
Why is he doing this?
Is he a tortured soul who is so wounded that he just can’t help it?
Is there anything at all you can do to speak to the wounded inner self the Narcissist appears to hide and burry deep within him?
As a person who loves the Narcissist, it is usually easier to believe he has no control over these conflicting behaviours.
We can identify with what we believe it is his inner pain but this is a story we tell ourselves.
A story which keeps us enmeshed with him in a tempestuous cycle of insane highs and lows that ultimately depletes us of our very soul.
There is a reason to why he is doing this but it is hard to digest.
Sometimes, though, we need the truth because it is the one thing that can finally set us free.
The Sad Truth About Narcissistic Hatred,
The reason you have found yourself the target of Narcissistic Hatred is that he views love as a weakness and consequently it repulses him.
But at the same time it allows him to extract copious amounts of Narcissistic Supply.
This is why he seems to hate you but won’t let you go easily.
The Narcissist views you as a feeble underling one which provides him with a wonderful supply.
So, though he couldn’t care less about you as a person, he doesn’t want to give up the fringe benefits that go along with engaging in a relationship with you.
He won’t let you go because you are providing him with the things he needs to survive as a Narcissist.
These things may consist of money, housekeeping, taking over the responsibility for his adult obligations, cleaning up his many messes, staying with him while he carry on affairs and providing him a convenient receptacle for when he needs to vent all his pent up negative energies and rage onto someone.
Therefore, it does no good for you to show your vulnerability to the Narcissist and, further, why he seems to dislike you even more when you show your very human emotions.
He wants the benefits without all the damage control.
He wants you to just be quiet about it all and go back to the person you were before you discovered who he really is.
This is why when you try to make him see how he is hurting you, it is utterly pointless.
In fact it is during these moments you see into the true core of the Narcissist’s personality and it is chilling.
Nonetheless, in your mind, you love him and have bonded with him and so you try to humanise him, believing he must think and feel the same way you do, but just have a hard time showing it.
This is not the case.
He is nothing like you and no amount of unconditional love will change this fact.
When we insist on believing that the Narcissist is like us, we are creating a story in our minds, writing the screenplay as we go along thinking that with enough love and compassion we will finally break through to the Narcissist’s wounded self.
This will never happen and it is important to accept this painful truth.
Narcissists love to blame other people for their nasty behaviours.
In turn, you may respond by being more supportive, understanding, kind, or compromising in an effort to persuade the Narcissist to halt his betrayals and cruelties.
Instead, what happens is patterns of deception and denial are established.
This may be to avoid the Narcissist’s wrath or keep the peace, proving to the Narcissist that you are not the crazy psycho he says you are but underneath the surface, it is a budding system of enabling.
A system the Narcissist fabricates from the very start.
The Truth About When Things Seemed Normal,
It is vital to understand that when the Narcissist is being nice, it is an integrated part of the abuse.
A reward, if you will, for sweeping his last attack under the rug and going back to your agreeable self.
The one who will smile at him while he carries on with his normal deplorable behaviours as though everything is on the up and up.
Additionally, he understands that if he gives you a glimpse of the person he pretended to be when you first met, you will do everything in your power to keep the golden illusion alive, the illusion that things can be like it were before.
This is how trauma bonds become stronger over time.
If you go along with this mirage, you will be like the legendary solitary traveler who believes they have found water in the desert, only to find they have traveled deeper into the middle of nowhere with nothing around to sustain life.