The Strength Required To Escape.

It is a situation the shows you just how deep your inner strength is and once you have done it nothing most people get upset about will really bother you ever.

People who emerge from that type of abuse and learn the lesson are ultra strong and have a true self esteem that was earned and forged by fire

For myself it was about strength but unfortunately it was predicated upon losing my complete sense of self and staring at what Rock Bottom really is.

It was my face.
It was I who was Rock Bottom.
It was I who was forced to see the ugliness of my demise and the trauma that destroyed me.

And I was scared.
I knew something was wrong and I easily recognised the absolute crime I endured in the end of my Abuser’s discard.

Once things made sense, once I could see that it wasn’t me, strength came to me.

Once I knew that it wasn’t me, I decided that I wasn’t going to live as a victim of an abusive disordered individual.

I was going to own my victimhood and put all of my effort into changing that paradigm.

That took a lot of sacrifice.
It took strength.
It took a lot of work on myself.
It took a lot of adapting to different ideas and changing routines.

It took disassociating with other toxic people in my life and situations as well.

The ultimate strength was looking myself in the mirror and being honest about who I was then working hard to be who I wanted to be.

Along the way I realised something about myself that had been within me my whole life.

I was always someone who is willing to accept the deficiencies of others but in this case I was never going to accept anything less than my best efforts for myself.

I’m still a work in progress but I’m getting there.

I can tell you that to go from where I am now to where I was then took all the strength I have ever had.

Strength is addictive especially when you realise that you are about to lost yourself.

4 Comments

  • Is it escape the only way out ?

    • It feels like it at the beginning before we get to see that it was the only way out.

  • It does take a lot of strength to move on after narcissistic abuse and it takes time to heal. But we can do it and emerge stronger. Step by step.

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