To The One I Wish I Had Never Met ,, To You SY ,,
“I don’t know if I chose that train or if that train chose me”
I’m not the type of person who normally have regrets.
I have made many mistakes in my lifetime but I have never dwelled on it.
But you ,, you are the one mistake I regret making.
Sometimes I stare into nothingness and rewind to the time when I first met you.
We drowned in each others’ irises for a moment then got lost in unspoken words.
I wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t come that day without losing myself in you.
Perhaps if I hadn’t looked at you, you wouldn’t have almost killed yourself to find me again.
And find me again you did.
But was it really you?
Or did the universe place us in particular spots to make it impossible not to glimpse each other?
I wonder what would have happened if I had opted to not be found.
Maybe if I was a little bit more quick to leave and refused to chat with you after that meeting, my life would have been different.
Perhaps my mornings would have been full of smiles and roses instead of tears and thorns.
Maybe just maybe I would have been a little happier.
Meeting you left me wondering if we are predestined or if we have the free will to create our own destiny because if I‘m free to create mine, I would have chosen never to meet you.
Never before had anyone brought such chaos into my life and ironically no one had ever shaken my soul like you did.
I hate you as much as I love you.
I wish to never see you again as much as I wish to never lose sight of you.
I wish I had never met you as much as I wish to spend every given second with you.
I hate that I’m so in love with you.
I hate how much I’m scared to lose you even though I know that I have already lost you a longtime ago.
I‘m the nail and you are my hammer.
You keep beating me down even though it’s clear that I have hit the core of agony.
Maybe if I had never met you, I wouldn’t be playing this role and perhaps I would have remained someone who only wishes to be loved and lost in another human’s heart.
The good news is, I have accepted my destiny.
The sad news is, I’m not sure if I was the one who created it and the awful news is that I know I can’t undo it.
We waste so much time trying to figure out if we are the marionette or the puppeteer but I believe that some people are meant to be in our lives regardless of who’s in the director’s chair.
So if you were my destiny then I will learn to accept it.
I will plant dying seeds hoping it become fruitful trees one day.
I will write melancholy words hoping it transforms into joyful odes.
I will look at you hoping to see you as someone I never met.
If you were my karma then I’m ready to pay it all because although I knew you in this lifetime,
I promise not to in the next.