Was It The Betrayal Or The Illusion?!
I think of it as a double edged sword.
In other words the illusion and the betrayal hurts equally.
With the deception comes the myriad of why questions that will never be answered.
You search your mind wondering what you could have done differently.
You frantically replay every conversation looking for clues that you missed.
Nothing you could have said or done would have made any difference, since you were set up to fail from the beginning.
I shudder when I think back to how I begged and pleaded for him to keep me in his life.
The wondering why I fell for required painful introspection on my part.
Now that I have discovered and understood Narcissism is like having to suddenly start relating to someone I appreciated, admired and respected as be a patient in a psychiatric ward.
Someone who is too sick in the head to be held responsible for any of his actions however small or simple.
Someone to relate to only if I have absolutely no way to avoid it because he is dangerous.
Someone I don’t argue with or express an opinion to because he is too sick to have a logical conversation with.
Someone who I’m supposed to pity and I do pity but also I have to take all measures possible not to allow anywhere near me.
Like a leper.
Realising that all the conversations and exchanges of opinions we ever had in the past were meaningless as his opinion was neither true nor sensible but rather all came from a sick and a compulsive agenda.
Like in sci fi movies when the beautiful charismatic man suddenly becomes a huge green monster covered in warts and spouting fire from it’s nostrils.