We Don’t Really Know SomeOne Until It Is All Over.
Sometimes good things fall apart so that even better things can fall together.
It is funny how we think we know someone until it’s all over.
Suddenly all of these qualities come out of the woodwork that we never suspected were there and the person we thought we had loved with all of our heart suddenly becomes a stranger.
The reality is that no one changes the minute a relationship ends but how we see him may.
For most relationships that don’t last there is a clear a beginning, middle and an end.
We meet, we spend time with one another getting to know each other, we have fun and then we begin to fall apart.
Yet the problem isn’t how how it all ends but rather how we begin and how well we know each other.
In life we are conditioned to only show the best parts of ourselves.
Those glittering and beautiful aspects of our lives and hearts that we feel most proud of because someone somewhere told us that we were unlovable because of our dark and cobwebbed corners.
When we get into a relationship, we showcase these beautiful aspects of ourselves hoping that perhaps it will be enough for that special someone.
That is not who we truly are.
Underneath those shiny parts our authenticity beats the reality of who we are.
Our fears, our mistakes, our complications and our beliefs are the aspects that not only define who we are but also whether someone is truly meant for us or not.
We are earthly creatures, we are humans.
None of us is flawless despite the hashtag on Instagram saying as much.
We are raw, beautiful and perhaps just a little messy.
When it’s all over our true selves come out because we are no longer locking it in the basement.
We are not worried that our dirty secrets might get out and tell the world who we really are.
Sometimes we need things to end in order to unearth a new level of intimacy and vulnerability that wouldn’t have been found if the walls protecting who we really are didn’t come crashing down.
There is a difference if everything ended in bitter drama or in love and friendship.
Ideally we can all reach that phase of healing.
Sometimes we truly are better off as friends especially if there were unhealthy tendencies within.
But how everything ends speaks to how both people truly feel about one another.
When it all ends with fighting, yelling, manipulation or coercion then we must understand that those behaviours were all present before.
It is just weren’t really showing it’s true nature and we didn’t really want to see it either.
We have all taken that deep breath and shaken our heads wondering how we stayed with someone as long as we did.
We were curious as to why we didn’t see the writing on the wall long ago.
It is in those moments that we realise that perhaps it was more of a projection than reality.
It was more about wanting someone to be the right person than actually taking the time to see if he was.
As heartbreaking as these moments can be, it can actually serve as sign posts that help us become clearer about where we want to go next.
Realising that someone was different than what we had anticipated or believed will help us not be afraid to show our real selves to a new prospective partner.
As a wise friend once told me, we don’t understand anything until we are able to see it through hindsight.
Sometimes we are not able to see where did it all go wrong until we are actually out of the situation.
Sometimes we are guilty of hiding behind walls or keeping those unique qualities that make us amazing a secret because we are too scared to truly let someone in.
It is in those moments that we realise exactly what we have not because we lost it but because we realised we never could.
Yet for many of us it is not about why it all ended but rather who we become because out of it.
It is not just about seeing him in a new light.
It is also about seeing ourselves and those aspects of our soul that we wished didn’t exist.
When it all ends we learn more about ourselves.
We get to see how we deal with conflict, strife and disappoint.
We get to see if there ever was a true friendship beneath it all.
Whether we are romantically tied to someone or not it shouldn’t actually change how we interact with that person.
If we love and respect him then we should treat him the same no matter what.
Maybe that is how we really know not just who he is but what love is too.
Tell me who you love and I will tell you who you are.