What Does The Narcissist Want?!
He wants to feel safe.
But you are such a huge and perpetual threat to him that he can’t ever feel safe as long as you continue to exist, so to eliminate the threat without the necessity of killing you and everyone else, he tears you down in many different ways.
• Making you believe you are worthless and causing you to develop learnt helplessness so that you become dependent.
• Making you distrust yourself through gaslighting until you believe you are insane and distrust the whole world too so that you become isolated.
• Making you self destructive so that you help him tearing your down.
• Elevating himself by feeling contempt for you by devaluing you so that you are perceived to be not worthy of consideration.
• Making you worship and validate him or prove yourself to him continuously to convince him that you are not so much of a threat after all.
• Making you renounce your rights, your agency, your sovereignty, your authenticity, and collude with him so that your unpredictability will never threaten him again.
• Training you to utterly neglect your own needs so that you can’t inconveniently burden the Narcissist with it while also causing you to self destructively neglect your own welfare to tear yourself down.
All these things are focused on making you controllable because a perfectly controllable victim is like his own limb that is no longer a threat and the Narcissist can finally relax and feel safe.
Ideally you can continue to physically exist, but you must cease to exist inside, so that the threat of your autonomy is removed.
Also the various expressions of Narcissism below are merely tools meant to help accomplish the destruction of your personhood listed above.
• Bravado is meant to impress or intimidate other personalities in the room into submission or acquiescence and to mask his latent insecurity and anxiety.
• Devaluation to make you feel lesser so that he can be greater.
• Deceit is meant to acquire the upper hand in all his dealings with others in anticipation of the inevitable relationship breakdown.
• Gathering a crowd of Flying Monkeys to beat down anyone who questions or makes him feel threatened.
• Twisting everything you say to make you invalidated, frustrated and exhausted talking to him.
• Having a Golden Child to make everyone else feel inadequate and to prove to everyone that he is capable of love.
• Love bombing to seduce you into eventually relinquishing your personhood.
• Mirroring or Mimicking you.
• The Silent Treatment to apply surreptitious pressure on you.
• Ruining everything for you so that you can’t be happy.
• Perpetually replacing people like replacing appliances.
• Never showing vulnerability and never feeling vulnerable.
• The tyranny of his needs.
• His contempt for your needs.
• His lack of empathy.
• Having no remorse.
The Narcissist has a perpetual craving to defeat and subdue everyone using these tactics and transform them into automatons so that he will someday become safe and loved when everyone else’s personhood ceases to exist and so too their autonomous attribute which is seen as a threat to the Narcissist.
What is the Narcissist threatened by?
He is threatened by the fact that you retain the ability to freely choose and that you might someday choose to reject, question or criticise him.
Your agency is his greatest threat.
Only when your freedom to choose is completely extinguished can he feel safe.