What If I’m The Narcissist?!

This is a heavy and complex question that most likely requires professional followup.

But here is the main content that summarises Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) characterised by the following major impairments in personality functioning.

1. Excessive reliance on others for self-definition and self esteem.
2. Lack of empathy.
3. Exploitative of others.
4. Grandiose and condescending.
5. Exaggerated entitlement.
6. Attention seeking.
7. Admiration seeking.

1. OverReliance on Others for Self Definition and Self Esteem.
Narcissists are practiced at hiding their real face from the world and can be quite charming and skilled in attracting and seducing people.

Although they work continuously to mask their vulnerability from others and themselves, they are intensely reliant on other people to both define their sense of self and to regulate their self esteem.

The Narcissist’s core emptiness is reflected in his correspondingly inordinate need for external validation.

The term Narcissistic Supply refers to his compulsive need to use others to fill his inner emptiness with attention and admiration.

2. Lack of Empathy.
Perhaps the most harmful characteristic of a Narcissist is his lack of empathy for the feelings, needs and perspectives of others.

As far as the True Narcissist is concerned, other people are objects to be manipulated for his purposes.

Signs of empathy.
• Good listening,
• Reflecting back compassion and concern,
• Validating other people’s feelings,
• Willing to apologise and take responsibility,
• Remembering and asking about others.
• Acting on behalf of others’ needs even when it is inconvenient or difficult.

Consistent behaviour to the contrary is a Narcissist Alert!

3. Exploitative of Others.
When it comes to relationships, the Narcissist operates without a moral compass exploitatively with only his interests in mind.

He uses other people to manage his unstable self esteem and rationalises just about any behaviour often abusive to bolster himself.

Individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder look to gain the upper hand in every situation and their toolkit is strikingly consistent from one Narcissist to another.

Here are classic Narcissistic Personality Disorder exploitative behaviours:
1. Criticises.
2. Competes.
3. Violates Boundaries.
4. Manipulates.
5. Terrorises.
6. Lies.
7. Blames.
8. Shames.
9. Belittles.
10. Ridicules.
11. Denies.
12. Projects.
13. Gaslights.
14. Deflects Accountability.
15. Plays the Victim.

4. Grandiose and Condescending
The Narcissist adopts a pretence of Grandiosity and self aggrandising behaviour.

On the surface he may be skilled at attracting and influencing others, but his insecure need to assert his superiority makes him arrogant, competitive, rude, explosive and vindictive when threatened or crossed.

He is prone to bragging, name dropping and making grand displays.

The Narcissist personality derives his identity by associating himself with high status people, causes, institutions which he lords over others in a campaign to further elevate himself by devaluing those he views as competitors and underlings.

5. Exaggerated Entitlement.
Because the person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder must convince himself that he is superior to others in order to shore up his underlying feeling of inferiority, he sees himself entitled to special treatment and without it he feels intolerably slighted.

He expects more and better than what other people get and will not hesitate to cause a scene, lash out, or sulk punishingly if deprived.

He insists on favoured status and special services, from the best table in a restaurant to the finest room in a hotel to the most attentive treatment at the grocery store, gym, doctor’s office and so on.

Being treated like a regular customer whether in the world at large or at home is impossibly demeaning and a cause for retribution.

6. Attracts Excessive Attention.
The true Narcissist depends on attention for psycho emotional sustenance.

While we all have social needs, Narcissists demand a level of attention far beyond that of non personality disordered people, resorting to all manners of manipulation to get it.

The Narcissist figuratively sucks all the oxygen out of the room.

To gain attention, Extroverted Narcissists typically dominate conversations, while Covert Narcissists pull puppet strings behind the scenes.

Either way, Narcissists are always dying for attention.

7. Demands Adoration.
Mere attention is not sufficient for the True Narcissist.

He seeks constant admiration to feed his larger than life persona and placate his deep seated feelings of invalidation.

Without admiration the Narcissist experiences destabilising emotions which can lead to deflation and depression.

At home he expects adoration without earning it or returning it, often bullying family members into a habitual state of fear to get it and becoming enraged if the response appears feigned.

The Narcissist’s manipulative and often furious demand for adulation creates an impossible predicament for those close to him, further exacerbating his frustration and combativeness and its traumatic effect on others.

So if you don’t have any of these traits then definitely you are Not a Narcissist.

By asking that particular question to yourself wondering if you are a Narcissist is pure evident that you are NOT.

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