What It Feels Like Being With A Narcissist!
I think the reign of terror of being involved with A Narcissist is a game changer experience for us all.
This experience will forever change us.
It takes a long time to regain our footing.
It takes a long time to realise we are wonderful, loving and caring people.
Reality slowly creeps back and Life goes on.
It is so scary to think about the fact that we are Narcissists Magnets!
And now my Narcissist Radar is always on patrol.
The fear of being stuck with A Narcissist makes being single and even alone much attractive.
Narcissists are impulsive and selfish.
They can’t hide that for a long time.
Reality is being the state of things presented objectively exactly the way that it really exist or existed.
The way it really happen and or have happened which all rests on fully supported facts that amount to irrefutable and incontrovertible evidence is ALWAYS under constant attack by The Narcissist.
Yet reality is that most people wants to live their lives peacefully, productively and happily.
Since The Narcissist is at constant war with reality, a battle which lasts through his entire life all the way to the grave, he has to have a war strategy and tactics to use in battles.
And the war strategy is to deploy his tactics which are, lying, accusing, game playing, gaslighting, projection, stonewalling, blame shifting, raging and silent treatment.
He thinks this is the best way to win the war against reality and he is always ready to take whatever steps necessary to cover up what he is really doing as well as manufacturing a defence for himself to avoid taking any responsibility for his despicable actions should he be exposed.
He will come up with as many layers of plausible deniability as needed to cover himself with and these are often crafted in advance just in case something goes wrong and he gets caught or exposed.
It is the type of thought process you would only expect of highly functioning criminals.
He may employ one of these tactics, some in combination or all of it simultaneously.
Whatever is necessary to win each battle and gain victory over reality.
Unfortunately in his quest to conquer reality, he leaves behind a lot of collateral damage in the form of mental and emotional damage to people who did nothing to deserve any of it.
He has no conscience and no real identity and this is a dangerous combination of characteristics which amounts to an almost limitless recipe for total abandonment of social norms, mind blowing sadistic cruelty and complete devaluation of other people all under the guise of one of the nicest people you will ever meet.
It Is Scary.
From his constant war with reality it follows necessarily that he and the people closest to him, who, more often than not, hold a view of reality that is objective, not imagined, are ultimately locked into a dynamic that logically dooms the relationship and makes them each others adversaries.
Just think of it this way,
How long do you think most people will tolerate someone who expects you to just look the other way and join him in pretending that everything is fine?
Like normal situation, whenever he does something completely outrageous, selfish and hurtful.
Is this reasonable to expect of anyone?
It is outrageous and amounts to being expected to willingly play along, discount reality, ignore facts, overlook indefensible evidence and then after all of that knowingly become his doormat for whatever else he has in store for you in the future.
Does that sound good or bad?
Maybe just a bit horrific.
I think the answer to that is self evident.
Have I recovered from being involved in this person’s war and the damage he caused?
No not fully.
I’m not fully over it all but I’m more healed today than I was a year ago.
My sense of reality has not decreased,
if anything I have a better relationship with reality now than I did when I was with the person who was disconnected from reality and expected me to join him.
Reconnecting firmly with reality and accepting things as they really were and not what someone wanted me to pretend they were was the foundation of my decision to stay away.
Being with A Narcissist is like waking up each and every day in the front lines.
As soon as your feet hit the floor or maybe even before.
You must be in battle mode, constantly vigilant and alert.
You never know what is just around the corner or if you are going to be hit by shrapnel from some incendiary device.
If you will step on a landmine or get blown to bits by a tripwire you stumbled upon.
You must have your body armour strapped on because you will receive enemy fire.
If you are not wearing your kevlar helmet to protect your mind, it will be pummelled with word grenades and A Narcissist’s siren song to lure you into the abyss and drown you in the depths of hopelessness and despair.
It is a vivid word picture and no less true.
I was fortunate enough to make it out from behind the enemy lines to safety.
There are still things about that experience stuck with me.
Certain memories that stands out.
I don’t dwell on it much but I’m aware more than ever that evil people exists in this world.
They are often closer to us then we think.
They camouflage themselves to blend in and look like your average nice neighbour, your best friend , your lover or your colleague.
They are out there and they are always looking for an opportunity to exploit someone.