What It Means To Grow!

This past year has been filled with so much heartbreak, more than my heart knew what to do with.

It was, however, also filled with so much growth and so much depth.

I learnt and I’m still learning, how beautiful it is to stand still.

To take a breath.
To look at yourself, really look at yourself and not judge, not ponder, not regret but love.

To love yourself with all your flaws, all your mistakes and all your wounds.

To look back, not so much with the intent of scrutiny, as with an intent to gift yourself with all the love you previously sought from others.

Above all, with an intent to praise your heart for all that it has endured and the ways it is miraculously shaping itself whole again.

I learnt what it is to feel, really feel an intense, immeasurable love for someone.

Someone who unfortunately couldn’t love me within the same depths but someone who I’m nonetheless ever-so-grateful for.

Because even if I didn’t get the happy ending I wished for, I learnt that love can heal in many different ways and this particular love, in some exquisitely tragic way, put me back together.

I learnt that happy endings can take many forms.

I learnt that finding myself may just be the happiest ending of all.

I learnt that I shouldn’t question the depths of my heart.

That I shouldn’t quiet the voice inside.
That I should listen to it wholeheartedly and without judgment.

That the feelings raging through me are real and valid.

How long it took me to realise this that the world won’t always understand the intensity with which your heart feels certain things, certain moments and certain humans and that doesn’t make those feelings any less real.

I learnt how to respect my heart.
How to respect its boundaries and how to comfort it.

I learnt how to let it, by grace, let it all go.
I learnt what it is to appreciate.
What it is to be grateful, to be ever-so-grateful fir this life.

For the air in my lungs.
For the temple that is my body.
For being able to take care of it as best as I can.
For my mind and for the depths of infinite possibility within it.

To be grateful for my family.
For their unconditional love and for the my friends.

I learnt to also be grateful for the simplest of things and for the endless sunsets.

I learnt what it means to grow, to really grow, with all the tears and the feelings that come with it all.

I learnt so much and I’m still learning.
I’m getting to know myself every single day.

I’m learning that all I want to do is to keep learning and to truly find myself.

To become the best version of myself.

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