When The Narcissist Frames You To Be The Crazy One …
If you have been in a Narcissistic relationship it is very likely that you have heard the following words,
Look at you, you are crazy!
You need professional help!
Everyone else can see it but you!
The thing is, when you are wrapped up in a toxic relationship you start LOSING your mind.
You do feel despair, rage, confusion and panic regularly.
You are triggered into feelings and reactions that you didn’t even know you were capable of.
And this passes through your head,
Maybe he is right.
Maybe it is me after all.
Those of you who are deeply in the fog and don’t know how to find a way out.
Those of you who are feeling damaged, defective and still reliant on the Narcissist in some way, this is a deadly trap that you need help to get out of.
Also, those of you starting to experience the Narcissist’s mask falling and the insanity escalating, look out, because this is a very real and probable manifestation of what will happen when the abuse gets worse and you get more broken up by it.
When we are continually being told that we are the crazy ones, we can be forgiven for believing it because after all, we do feel crazy.
We feel deranged, sick and twisted into knots.
And when we watch the Narcissist carrying on as per normal, whatever their version of normal is and not seeming to be falling down the steep decline that we are into unwellness and losing our sanity piece by piece, it looks like the Narcissist is functioning and we are not.
I remember seeing this myself and thinking, He gets up and goes to work every day, whereas I can barely get out of bed.
It MUST be me who has mental problems.
And of course we get this thrown in our face constantly normal.
They actually thrive off it, because it keeps them alive and able to avoid their inner empty chasm.
With outer distractions, the Narcissist is pulled into another universe where they are the feared, the brilliant, the desired, the one who’s right, the one who has to suffer a crazy person and in some way they are the significant one.
They get to live out whatever fictional character they are making up for themselves at the time.
Yet, we are not used to operating within this much drama.
I know that living life the hard way without adequate boundaries or knowing how to align in true self, trying to fix situations and people in order to be approved of and safe,
I absolutely had struggles, but not the massive onslaughts that come with Narcissistic Abuse.
Like me, you may recognise issues going to a whole new level on the stress radar, as Narcissists bring our greatest fears from the depths of our subconscious vaults, to life.
We find ourselves being dragged into a world of drama, confusion, and insanity that make our previous issues seem benign.
And, we are being blamed for these problems, whilst trying to mop up the mess that the Narcissist is refusing to take responsibility for and then being accused of everything the Narcissist is doing.
If all of that isn’t bad enough, to add insult to injury, the more we try to fight for justice, understanding, support and cooperation from the Narcissist, the more we get emptied out of energy and receive more traumatisation.
We find that if we leave them to the issues they create, we are attacked for being uncaring and if we try to sort them out we are meddling.
We are resilient absolutely and we proved to be in our former life, but now we are breaking under the strain.
The truth is when you hang out with and are attached to very sick people like Narcissists, you get very sick.
What we may not have realised, at the time, is that the Narcissist is a master of projection, yet it is not like they have taken classes to learn how to be.
The ability and need to project and avoid responsibility becomes a tactic necessity for anyone who has succumbed to a life of a fragile False Self who in no way can be wrong, held accountable or questioned.
This is how it goes, the False Self is the omnipotent character that fiercely guards the entrance to the shrivelled up True Self.
No one is allowed to go there, discover the Narcissist’s inner disorders and traumas and expose that their behaviour is due to being psychologically ill, damaged and disordered.
If someone did it would threaten the entire ego structure of the Narcissist which is their house of cards, the only front they have to gain the necessary Narcissistic Supply that a Narcissist needs to survive.
Most of this is unconscious.
Think of the False Self, as an egotistical entity that has virtually engulfed the Narcissist and taken over.
It is this entity that is responsible for the Narcissist’s inner reality.
The truth is everyone, given their model of the world which really means their perceived reality as per their level of consciousness does what they do because they feel justified to do it.
Otherwise they wouldn’t do it.
After my own Narcissistic Abuse experience, I am convinced that Narcissists firmly do believe that you are the disordered one.
They believe not only are you psychologically unwell but also that you are the reason for the issues in the relationship as well as everything that goes wrong for The Narcissist.
It is only in times of absolute severe Narcissistic Injury when The Narcissist suffers a terrible blow and his ego structure False Self is temporarily shocked out of operation that the Narcissist has any grasp on what is real and what is not.
False Selves make up stories to maintain their existence.
It is not just make believe, to the Narcissist it’s real.
Narcissists have a very maddening habit of saying ‘you are acting like a crazy person’, yet they don’t have the insight and peripheral to understand, ‘because of my behaviour you have been driven crazy’, that simply does not factor for them.
In relation to the projection that the Narcissist organically does, there is an even greater reason psychologically why they project their sickness onto you, ranging all the way from the accusations of you needing psychological help to being a Narcissist yourself.
The reason is that the Narcissist has disowned their inner damaged True Self.
It has been discarded and buried then replaced by the False Self, the fictitious character that the Narcissist uses to ‘work’ life through.
But we can’t avoid ourselves, and it is the True Self, and anyone’s composition of their True Self is how they truly feel about themselves.
The Narcissist’s False Self is his self medication to avoid the True Self.
It is a buffer to drown it out, which the Narcissist succeeds in doing when he is high on Narcissistic Supply.
But this is a precarious existence which doesn’t work 24/7 and the Narcissist regularly experiences Narcissistic Injury when something or someone does not appease the Narcissist’s False Self in the conditional way it demands to be fed.
Or the Narcissist may not be able to source Narcissistic Supply adequately when in need.
It is then when the Narcissist has only one option when these feelings of being engulfed by the True Self hit.
He despises these inner parts steeped in fear, vulnerability, brokenness, dishevelment, traumatisation and despair.
Unlike The Narcissist, You Have the Ability to Fully Come Home To Yourself because it is true no matter how much sickness the Narcissist projects onto us, we can heal, but they choose not to.
So, the Narcissist rather than wanting to go to his inner traumas and heal them back to wholeness, which would be the only salvation for the Narcissist instead of seeks to destroy these parts of him that threaten the very fabric of the fictitious False Self.
What better way to do that, then to project these parts onto another person and then seek to destroy them instead?
And the False Self only wants perfection.
It wants it’s ‘perfect’ ideal of what is worthy of it’s attention and what is going to generate more of it’s egotistical significant self.
The Narcissist when he had you on a pedestal decided you were A-grade Narcissistic Supply, you had the best hair, body, personality, contacts, resources or something that fed the False Self significantly, or you were the slave that the Narcissist selfishly used to improve his own life with.
And now that you are defensive and problematic, you are in fact replaceable, a nuisance, and insignificant because you are unavailable to grant the Narcissist what you were in place for beforehand.
Now that you are not a trophy or a slave to feed their False Self, you become a target for the Narcissist’s Wrath.
You were always a pawn but the urgency for the Narcissist may now be to discredit and discard you as soon as possible.
I can’t tell you how many people this has happen to, when they finally ‘break’ and are not the shiny awesome Narcissistic Supply that the Narcissist once believed they were.
For the longer term relationships where the Narcissist stays, telling you that you are the crazy one, to add terrible insult to injury the Narcissist may convince you that you need medication, psychiatric treatment or even institutionalisation.
This provides the perfect scapegoat for him to tell everyone, Poor me, I am trying to live with a disordered individual who is sick.
All is not lost for the Narcissist as there is a great deal of Narcissistic Supply to be gained from this, people commiserating, supporting and siding with him.
And the Narcissist gets to play out the illusion to everyone of being the kind and caring person when of course the reality behind walls is exactly the opposite of what people are told.
Maybe you are with an Altruistic Narcissistic who in between terribly cruel, conscienceless acts toward you couldn’t be a more doting and caring nurse for you.
It is still a sick game because this Narcissist gains Narcissistic Supply by controlling through giving and creating dependencies, whereby he has the victim well and truly hooked.
Either way it’s a spiral down into a terrible state, you being labelled as the sick one.
It means you are either incapacitated or have had all your rights taken off you.
Then the Narcissist’s False Self continues on with all the exploits that hurts you, affairs, stealing your resources.
And 100% Of these people have every justification in their disordered heads for doing what they are doing.
People who are healthy may not see it coming, when you are downtrodden enough to believe that there is something wrong with you, you may miss it even more.
It is also likely that your body is breaking down too, with a host of other health issues that you are dealing with, such as nervous system disorders like PTSD, fibromyalgia or other serious medical issues.
These are all symptoms of you breaking down.
And emotionally it is likely you are regularly devastated by how uncaring, inconsiderate and abusive the Narcissist is towards you.
Or, in the case of the Altruistic Narcissist, he is caring for you unrelentingly in ways that keeps you powerless and ill.
The truth is because you have been broken down into your powerless inner self, you feel like a child dependent on the Narcissist.
You don’t know yet that when you pull away and heal, and become your own True Power Source, that there will be no dependency, longing or need from the Narcissist whatsoever.
It is a terrible and abusive situation to be stuck in, and so many people in this Community have been there, or still are and this is why I want to shine such a bright light of truth on this.
With the Narcissists I went through the horrible situation of succumbing to believing that I was the unstable one, that I had issues and that I needed help.
I knew that he had issues, but I believed 100% that if I could take responsibility for mine then I could fix the relationship.
I became incredibly needy, hooked and dependant on him.
It was terrible.
What happened happens with all Narcissists, unless there is enough payoff of Narcissistic Supply, then there is nothing in it for the Narcissist, and if you are not providing enough in your unwell state then someone else will.
The Narcissist is all out for himself, and is sourcing new sources and planning their future life without you because you simply are not providing what the False Self needs anymore.
Or if the benefits of your resources are still enough, the Narcissist may toggle an existence with you whilst having their double life.
The biggest danger is you can get stuck in believing that you need the Narcissist for your everyday existence.
Yet, this is a very person who projected onto you and got you to this level anyway.
This person is not going to help you get well, rather he will break you all the way to your demise if you don’t do what is so hard yet essential to do, which is to pull away, start releasing your trauma and heal to the level where you are a source to yourself.
There are people from the absolute depths of despair who had no choice but to go to a refuge after being abused by a Narcissist.
Generally, mental, emotional and physical health has been gutted.
Many of these people now, beautifully, as a result of choosing to honour and heal their inner being are now rebuilding or genuinely Thriving, generating their own lives with healthy boundaries, no longer absorbing other people’s sicknesses or being scapegoated for them.
There are people in the depths of diagnosis, disorders, and illnesses mental and physical who Narcissist cruelly discarded.
I know that seems the most heartless thing, but I promise you that these people who get out, are fortunate to be expelled, because they possibly wouldn’t have left on their own accord.
When the Narcissist discarded me I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
I was not able to work.
I thought I was defective, useless and unlovable but then I decided to heal myself and get out of this experience stronger and more determined.
Today, 18 months after, I am happier, more confident and empowered than I have ever been.
I gave myself time to heal my wounds that the Narcissist unearthed for me, and I became a solid sane, healthy and a happy source to myself, because no way, ever, will I be susceptible to being in a relationship of abuse and projection again.
Of course with the Narcissist I was histrionic.
It was full of gaslighting, pathological lying and other hidden women.
Because I was trapped and trauma bonded to him because of my unresolved childhood wounds about my father, of course, I went batshit crazy!
Thank God he threw me aside and I found the way to heal these wounds once and for all.
I would never tolerate something like this again.
I feel better than I ever have after surviving and then thriving from this.
Then there are the people who the Narcissist keeps on and doesn’t discard when their sanity and health breaks them down.
This is for selfish purposes, connections, money, resources, possible property acquisition, and the power of being able to control this person.
Of course, this makes it incredibly hard to get away, yet sometimes something clicks and people do.
I have seen it happen many times, where people awaken, no matter what their circumstances were and know that their only salvation is to get out and heal.
Years ago a friend of mine who was heavily medicated, believing she had psychological issues, contracted breast cancer.
In hospital realising that she would now have to fight for her life from an aggressive cancer and a double mastectomy, woke up knowing that her husband had driven her to deep depression and a life or death brink.
For herself and her two boys, she never went back to him.
Today, she is fully in remission, has a beautiful husband, a new daughter and is incredibly happy.
Our conclusion to this is believing that you are the sick one is a oneway ticket to your demise.
Because it means that you will stay and will hand over your power, and the Narcissist will get exonerated to keep treating you in the soul sucking way that he is doing.
You are sick because this person has made you sick.
You have stayed on and this has made you sicker.
The only way to get well is to get away and heal the deep inner reasons why this terrible disease, Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome, has been able to wrap it’s deadly tentacles around you.
Let go and get away to truly heal is exactly what I did and countless other Thrivers have done.
People just like you and me who went through the most unimaginable traumas, horrors, and powerlessness.
That is what this Thriver Community is all about, a supportive tribe of people who know exactly what you are going through because they have made it through out to the other side themselves.
So keep smiling, keep healing and keep thriving because there’s nothing else to do