When You Are Done!!
When no flashback, no memory and no feelings makes you want to see that person again.
When the idea of being with him is as appealing as joining a leper colony.
When all the despicable things he did resides within every thought of him.
Within the trauma bond there is so much cognitive dissonance, emotional and psychological pain, confusion and spiritual suffering.
So much that it’s highly impossible to imagine being free.
Then out of hell the smoke begins to clear.
There is still so much pain that it seems impossible to overcome.
Visualise that your heart and brain have been held within a vise.
The vise is gone but the pain remains.
The more you understand the cause of the pain and the more you invest in recovery the more you overcome.
I still occasionally remember him with fondness.
I remember certain days, his face and the light.
I can sit with that and feel the bittersweetness and know that I would rather die than ever go back.
I think every one of us who ever dealt with A Narcissist had more than one bout of “I can’t do this anymore, no one should be treated this way, why am I putting up with this pain, that’s it I’m done, I’m out, I’m leaving” going on for a long time before we ever get to where, that’s it I really am done.
And whether The Narcissist goes or you forget the hell about him doesn’t mean that you are done just yet.
You have to deal with the addiction.
The fights, yelling, name calling, silent treatments and all the bullying.
You will know when you are done when you refuse to see or even speak to The Narcissist.
When the thought or others mention The Narcissist makes you physically sick.
When you would rather gauge out your own eyes with a pencil than ever see that face again.
When you don’t care what he’s doing, where or who he’s with so long as he’s leaving you alone and in peace.
When the begging and the pleading from The Narcissist build up such an intense rage that you want to explode as you tell him to literally go away.
Then you are truly and fully done.