Whenever I Miss You I Force Myself To Remember.

It took a long time for me to heal from the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder without returning to that abusive man.

Now that I’m far away from this disaster it is difficult to imagine what I saw in him.

I can’t unsee who he truly is now.
I literally stopped having extreme physical pain and anxiety the minute he discarded me.

He was so toxic, so unhealthy and so evil!
I know that I wasted more than enough time loving him.

It has taken over 2 years for me to begin to heal after the level of toxicity I encountered.

I have to admit that at times I feel that I still love him and deep down I hoped to change him.

But the reality unfortunately is that he used me for his own benefits and even though I had a few great moments I won’t let it cloud the memories of what he put me through.

Narcissists will always be self serving and I know that even if he did come back and apologised it won’t be sincere.

Has he ever apologised and meant it?
Well he said that he’s sorry once and then repeated the same actions but in a more sadistic manner.

I know that things weren’t perfect when I was with him and it will never be if he returned.

Now I’m in the process of getting myself back together and I’m learning from my mistakes to become wiser.

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