Why Do Narcissists Disappear?
The Narcissist wants you to notice he has disappeared.
He didn’t stop thinking about you but he is looking for what he is demanding of you.
A reaction and preferably a reaction that will make him see you trying to reach out to him and if possible come back grovelling to him.
By giving you The Silent Treatment, paradoxically The Narcissist wants to talk to you.
But chances are you have displeased him in some way, so you will now need to come begging him to take you back into his fold.
This is a classic move straight out of the Narcissist’s Playbook.
The Narcissist makes this strategic move because it automatically puts him in a position of power and power makes him feel good.
Although The Narcissist thinks he is in the position of power, it is You who has the advantage.
Why do I say this?
Because The Narcissist’s problem is that he is an overly emotional creature and can’t keep his emotions in check when he is not getting what he wants from you.
If you ignore The Narcissist’s Silent Treatment which again is a Passive Aggressive form of Emotional Manipulation aimed at getting him to speak to you.
You are the one taking control.
The Narcissist can’t stand having The Silent Treatment returned on him.
Eventually The Narcissist will find that he can’t keep up the facade of I don’t want to talk to you any longer and that is when he lashes out.
But you have the power to ignore him when he lashes out.
That is when you have The Narcissist in Checkmate.
If you are dealing with a True Narcissist, you are likely to receive The Silent Treatment.
It is important to remember that there are times when breaks in communication is not A Silent Treatment and not intended to be Manipulative or a form of Punishment.
Especially when someone is having a conflict with a person struggling with a Personality Disorder, particularly Narcissistic, Borderline and sometimes Bipolar.
There are times when the only viable and healthy tactic is to reduce or limit communication either temporarily or in the most extreme cases, permanently.
No one likes being ignored.
Especially if you don’t understand what it is that you did wrong or you think that you didn’t do anything wrong to deserve it.
It is important to remember that when individuals suffering from personality disorders are triggered, their illness can cause them to behave in a very unreasonable way.
One common behaviour is Blame Shifting.
If something in his life fails as a result of a mistake on his part, a totally normal human and forgivable thing.
A person with a Personality Disorder might blame a spouse, partner, relative or colleague for what happened out of the inability to take responsibility for it himself.
There are times when admitting that he was wrong is not emotionally possible.
At times to avoid the lashing out that can accompany these situations, one may determine that the correct response on their part is to distance themselves from The Narcissist until he has time to settle down.
During those times The Narcissist may accuse the person who has created space of giving him The Silent Treatment.
It is not the same thing at all.
Perhaps a good way to tell the difference is to think, It is one of their favourite punishments because it requires no energy and it is so effective.
If you have ever had to step away from someone you care about regardless of whether he has a personality disorder or not,then you understand that it is anything but easy.
It requires an enormous amount of energy and self discipline to resist communicating, particularly when you know he is struggling, let alone in crisis.
This becomes even more complex when you are on the receiving end of anger and blame for doing all that you can do to take care of yourself in this situation.
You have to continuously remind yourself that everything is about him.
The struggle is most acute in situations where someone has to adopt A Strict No Contact Approach.