Why Do Narcissists Want You To Forgive And Forget?!
This has everything to do with their image and has nothing to do with you.
Contrary to what some people have experienced, Narcissists are very capable of saying or typing “I’m sorry.”
Of course they don’t mean a word of it but they can express it.
“I’m sorry” is a mop or a rag for a disordered person.
It cleans things up quickly, moves things along and covers up the messy scene that was there before.
Accepting the apology does a few things for the Narcissist and only for the Narcissist of course.
It relieves him of any responsibility.
He doesn’t like having anything on his shoulder or being held accountable for his poor actions.
If he can somehow share the blame with you it is a win.
It doesn’t help that society has a “it takes two to tango” mentality when it comes to breakups.
The demise of a Narcissistic relationship will never be 50/50 because a Narcissist will never be fair.
Anyone who abuses you and then expects you to carry an equal amount of responsibility for how it ended is still abusing you.
It looks good in public.
Amicable exes are seen as mature people who are able to again, accept that they both behaved badly and moved on.
If you begin screaming in the streets that the Narcissist mistreated you it will cause Narcissistic injuries as well as rage.
Instead of moving on with his new sources of supply he will have to momentarily turn around and regroup so he can prepare for his favourite role as Victim.
He will allow his flying monkeys to slander you and attack you online and in person.
He will tell everyone you aren’t well and list all of the ways he tried to help you with but simply couldn’t!
It will be harder for you to react when you realise how much you were deceived.
The worst part about being with a Narcissist is not knowing who you were with the entire time.
It’s only when it’s over that the truth comes out.
I don’t believe there is a victim of Narcissism who can say they didn’t learn new things after the discard.
If he can get you to walk away without any hard feelings and without calling out his atrocities, he has a sucker on his hands and he knows it.
When it is over and he brings out the new supply you always questioned during your relationship or when you see him immediately jumping into new beds, it will be much harder for you to lash out when you played the part of the understanding Ex so well.
It will be easier for him to return.
If he can play the Nice Guy role and gaslight you into thinking you are both flawed human beings, he can also trick you into thinking he deserves a second and a third and a fourth chance.
Eventually he will return even if it is just for a late night romp, a place to stay or a date for a work event.
He will remember how kind and naive you were and after healthier women toss him to the side he will go back to the person who accepts him.
In each scenario the only winner is The Narcissist.
Forgiveness is up to the person who was harmed in their own time.
It can help with the healing process, especially if you forgive yourself first.
However forgetting is a foolish thing to do because erasing the pain and humiliation you were put through means you are more likely to accept the same behaviour again.