Why Do We Fall In Love With Narcissists?!
Narcissists are often confident, driven, persistent and manipulative.
Confidence drive and persistence are attractive traits for both men and women.
Proper influence and manipulation works on almost everybody and Narcissists happen to be masters of manipulation.
I knew nothing about Narcissistic Personality Disorder when I met my Narcissist.
I fell in love with him because of his gentleness and charm.
The way he looked at me.
The way I felt when I was with him.
The connection and chemistry we had.
He was just what I needed at just the right time or at least so I thought.
I fell in love immediately within less than a month.
I had never felt this strongly before.
I had never felt that way about anyone even though he was 17 years older than me.
I think in retrospect he hooked me so easily because as I keep reading about Narcissism, they seem to be completely engaged with us and are not afraid to show all their cards, say things and do things that other people hold back from doing.
They come across as authentic, charming and exciting.
They look at us without artifice.
With love in their eyes like we are the most special, most fascinating people on earth.
It is only later when the devaluation begins that things start to go south.
By that time we are so emotionally invested and love addicted it’s almost impossible to extricate ourselves even after the abuse.
We justify the abuse somehow because we can’t believe that this sweet charming person can be that bad.
It has to be a mistake.
He didn’t know what he was doing.
He would never do that on purpose.
He’s always been the sweetest man ever.
How is this possible?
It must be me.
I must have done something wrong.
I must somehow deserve this.
We find ourselves believing or justifying things our former self would never have believed or justified.
Especially when we are strong and independent and never taken any crap from anyone.
Narcissistic Abuse is something only someone who has lived it can fully understand.
My closest friends will never understand it no matter how I try to explain it to them.
I will continue to get Why did you allow yourself to be treated this way? Or
What did you see in him?
Even though some will also say in the same breath he was such a nice man.
The thrall of the love bombing and the intermittent reinforcement of getting a taste of that in small doses after the initial phase is crazy hard to resist.
I don’t think I will ever forget the feeling even though I know now that it wasn’t real.