Why Does The Narcissist Go Out Of His Way To Show Us That He Doesn’t Care?
On the surface we could believe that this person is showing his true colours and showing that he had never cared about us in attempt to hurt us.
You can look at it as the continuation of devaluation.
You can look at it as response to exposure Which makes this all about YOU.
Or you can look at it from the perspective of Narcissism itself.
That is a horse by a different colour and probably far more accurate.
With a Narcissist NOTHING is ever about YOU, everything is only about HIM.
The Idealisation is not about you, it’s about the false construct of the Narcissist’s own mind that manifests his unrealistic need for the perfect mate that will finally measure up and make him feel normal.
The Devaluation is not about you, it’s bout the reality the Narcissist faces when you fail to be perfect and turn out to be just another normal flawed human who is somehow ok with her flaws.
You can’t be ok with your flaws because he is not ok with his.
He beats you down with all of your flaws incessantly the way his own mind beats him down every single day.
It has nothing to do with YOU.
In the days of the Discard all the Narcissist will invariably send your way in the aftermath, the need for him to show you he doesn’t care about you and he never did has nothing to do with you either.
It is still all about Him.
He doesn’t understand how you can grieve, heal and recover because he can’t.
He WANTS you to believe he doesn’t care about you, that he hates you and that you are beneath him.
So the Narcissist does what he always does.
Just as he hyped himself up and convinced himself of how perfect you were in the beginning, he has to do the opposite now and convince himself that you are worthless.
That is what flaunting the new supply is all about, the she is so much better than you nonsense.
No she isnt better and is just as flawed as you are, though her flaws may be different.
None of this, NONE OF IT, not from the beautiful start to the catastrophic end, has ANYTHING to do with YOU.
NONE of it has been or ever will be about YOU.
A Narcissist is all about SELF, including the good, bad, and ugly, he wants to scream to the world about YOU.
Everything a Narcissist ever does is to make himself look good, feel good or convince himself of all of his crap.
QUIT THINKING IT IS ABOUT YOU.
WITH A NARCISSIST, NOTHING IS EVER ABOUT YOU, NOT EVER NOT AT ALL.
But the Narcissist never knows when is it enough before he takes it too far.
His only way of knowing that you are a loser is by beating you significantly emotionally, intellectually, spiritually or even physically.
He feels better when he hurts you because he proved you were unworthy.
The projection duplicates what he feels inside so it justifies punitive behaviours.
Oddly, he punishes you for the same faults he is guilty of committing.
At the same moment he can act out a dominant judging role, a superiorNarcissistic role and can even relate to himself as a victim all at once!
This is a confirmation for him that you lost and he won.
Any Abuse will be justified by your rightful punishments.
He can’t gauge feelings so well so he tend to go past what you seemed to accept the last time.
It is the selfishness and insensitivity that obscures his view of your feelings.
That is why his attacks often go overboard.
Ironically this tendency towards exaggeration and pomposity is what drives him too far.
Someone else notices the inappropriate brutality and acts on his suspicions.
Sunlight is the greatest disinfectant and the secret pulls loose.
His carefully constructed house of cards comes tumbling down.
The Narcissist is not good at details or stopping himself when he’s gone too far.
When he is done, he will never know if he inflicted too much pain or not nearly enough.
This drives him to the place where women leave, go to the Emergency Room, tell their friends and even blow their public cover story.
This signals a dilemma.
Does he trust himself to step back and not wreck the good things he built?
In the end, he always goes too far because the problem is inside him.
He doesn’t understand pain from the victim’s point of view.
One day he leaves marks, breaks her heart or lies to the wrong person about the wrong thing and his house of cards goes flat.
He did something just an ounce too terrible to see if you could take it.
But that was that one point you decided to draw the line at.
Rock bottom blasted him in the face.
But he had been living with that risk all along.
So he knows what to do to destroy you emotionally and then out the door he goes.
He can’t feel what you felt, nothing feels as bad as the hole he has in his own heart which can never be filled.
Narcissists don’t want to work too hard to locate their next victim.
The Narcissist is doomed to saying the wrong thing just one too many times.
He is also so fragile that he can’t stop before he breaks the toy he groomed.
He is always trying to serve his insecurities with bluster, promises and disrespect until he finally does something right.
But Narcissists are lazy and they don’t respect their opponents and that’s how they keep making bad decisions.
Things go wrong and finally it can’t be blamed on anyone else.
In the end, they are left with their sorrow and insecurities.
So they can’t leverage any of their assets and leave without a trace.