Why Forgive Someone Who Has Shown No Real Remorse?!
It is that simple, feel good, ill thought out views of forgiveness are rampant.
Why forgive someone who has shown no real remorse?
Because it will help you?
Moving on is a one thing that can help.
Forgiving someone who very nearly killed you and still didn’t care despite having professed love for you?
Forgive a Devil who appeared at first as your wildest dreams coming true then torturing you and moving on as if nothing happened?!
No thanks to that.
He doesn’t deserve a free pass.
Forgiving horrendous abuse perpetuates the ongoing minimisation of it.
Share what has happened with others.
Learn from it.
Grow from it.
Use it as fuel to make your life as good as possible.
IF he someday gets it and REALLY apologises and makes some REAL effort torwards making amends then maybe you can forgive him.
For now why forgive an unrepentant Abuser?
He is not innocent.
What he did isn’t excusable.
He hasn’t own up to what he has done.
I also don’t think we really can make a conscious choice to forgive someone who we know to our core doesn’t deserve to be forgiven.
It will continue to hurt.
You learn to live with it.
You will build a better life.
It will get easier.
Sometimes forgiving is just another way of minimising what has happened and saying that you really aren’t that big of a deal.
That treating you in such horrendous ways doesn’t really matter all that much.
It does matter.
Often we end up staying with these monsters because we undervalue ourselves and we need to stop doing that.
It is ok to continue to be horrified by how you were treated.
Some of us need to be MORE horrified and LESS forgiving.
Being overly forgiving often led as we know to an escalation of abuses against us.
He didn’t deserve forgiveness then and he doesn’t deserve it now.
Forgive unrepentant abusers who can torture without remorse?
Not so long as he remains unchanged and unrepentant.
We are not going to create a culture that takes these life destroying abuses seriously if we slurp up a bunch of pablum that has us simply picking up the pieces of our lives and forgiving atrocities against ourselves the carrying on as the guilty continue to be out there, proceeding as if he is someone who actually deserves to be forgiven and as if he deserves to move on with a fresh slate.