Why I Chose To Let Love Go.
Non attachment is a wonderful practice but I have moments where I just want to hold on.
When I have that feeling, I listen to Glen Hansard’s song When Your Mind’s Made Up about five times until the iron is back in my resolve and the steel is back in my spine.
I listen to the song and remind myself that when someone wants to leave, nothing I say or do will change his mind.
In the end, it is a matter of accepting that what we want isn’t always what we are meant to have, particularly when it comes to romantic relationships.
Sometimes we have to remember that whatever is meant to be is coming and we have to be patient.
I hate patience, it’s not a quality I have in abundance.
Added to that, my natural inclination is to hold on and not to let go.
It is counter intuitive for me to walk away from what I want.
I moved so many times growing up and loss has stalked me from place to place.
I have held on to old friends, old letters, old photographs, a thousand mementos whose provenance is known only to me and now an abundance of love that was returned to me.
No matter how kind the returning of such a gift, there is pain in not being able to love as fiercely as we are capable of doing.
In the wake of a love that is unrequited, I have finally embraced non attachment.
The statement may sound simple but let’s be clear, I do nothing halfway.
In the first flush of that love, I practically danced from room to room of my house singing Fly Me to the Moon.
I used words like pining and besotted and I did not use it ironically.
When I realised the necessity of letting go of this particular attachment, my knee jerk reaction was to hold on tighter and I had to sit with that feeling for a while, grieving the loss of what could be.
In the end, I had to accept that what could be would never be.
This is how I came to understand that non attachment is essential for me to move on.
I realised that there is no changing someone’s mind when he doesn’t love us back.
The acceptance came and sat with me a while and I realised that I could not keep trying to convince him to do something that wasn’t right.
When your mind is made up there is no point trying to change it so I let go and stopped holding on.
Part of letting go was shifting my focus.
I took my focus off the possibilities inherent in a relationship with him and instead began to focus on gratitude.
I took stock of my own life and counted all of the blessings that I enjoy daily.
I began focusing more on myself and my own personal goals.
While I do have moments where I miss him intensely but now I’m able to let those feelings come and go.
I acknowledge the feelings of loneliness and experience gratitude for that time in my life.
So often, we hold on to the things and people in our lives that no longer enrich us.
We cling to our difficult situations as if there are no other choices before us.
We give up our power to create the life we want to live by blaming circumstances of life, twists of fate, others and anything at all to avoid taking back our own responsibility.
I have found that we often have choices even if we don’t like it.
In my own situation, I had the choice to try to hold on to someone who didn’t want to be kept or I could let go.
Choosing to let go of my attachment to him was difficult at first but seems to be right for me in this moment.
When we let go of what is not for us, I truly believe that the things and people that are meant to be in our lives will be able to arrive.
By letting go we create space for good things to enter.
I don’t know if a love that is both strong and also returned to me will come today, tomorrow or 20 years from now or even in another life.
We don’t even have to place our hope on a person or an event that may or may not come but instead we can choose to live every moment as it is, taking from each moment all of the joy that it offers.
We can choose mindfulness in all of the moments we are given and let go of trying to hold on to a future that is uncertain.
Every day we can create the life we want to live and know that our happiness is here now, coming back to us again and again without having to try to hold on to it so tightly.
So if you ever want something, call and it will come running.