Why I Will Never Grow Feelings For Someone Ever Again!
I learnt an extremely valuable lesson from the one man I loved.
Something that I will never forget even if I tried.
I met SY two years ago.
I was blown away by his gentleness and charm that I even called him Prince Charming.
But all my attempts to get his heart beating failed.
He pretended to have feelings for me and when he was certain that I fell for him everything changed and he showed me his true self.
He did everything he could to destroy me as if he was punishing me for loving him.
I was traumatised by his Narcissistic Abuse because it happened while I was attached.
Attachment is the fundamental, psychological and emotional way in which we connect to others.
It’s like an invisible umbilical cord which allows us to grow and thrive.
When I was attached, I was deeply affected by him because when he supported and inspired me the effect was magnified.
His love or Fake Love became a potent source of nourishment and there was no limit to how deep it goes.
The longer we are attached to someone, the stronger the attachment becomes and the more the strands bind together.
Of course when everything is threatened in any way the attachment is also threatened.
The result is anxiety fused with fear.
It’s like having the ground ripped out from under you and it can invoke both terror and panic.
He was never attached like I was.
He was identified with an ego construct and I was relating to that ego construct.
This construct is fickle and behind it is a traumatised person who will do anything to avoid being vulnerable.
The Narcissist is not interested in maintaining an attachment because he was only interested in maintaining his fragile ego construct.
To him, my attachment was a way of keeping me submissive.
Remember that The Narcissist is already traumatised and this traumatised self will come to the surface.
Life is complicated and unpredictable.
Things will happen which will negatively affect The Narcissist and he will suffer the consequences.
To maintain dominance The Narcissist will rage, give you the silent treatment and then leave as if you never existed.
When Narcissistic Abuse happens over sometime the trauma builds up until we are permanently in a fight or flight state of anxiety and fear.
And that’s why I decided to never grow feelings for someone ever again.