Why Is It So Difficult To Move On And Let Go Of The Narcissist?
This is normal, it is life after Abuse.
In fact, this is the life you live after any form of loss.
There is no way around the constant reminders of the love and the great memories.
What a lot of people fail to see, is that after an Abusive relationship, there was always good memories.
Otherwise, victims would not stay.
One of the most heartbreaking things I ever heard about Abusive relationships was this,
”She’s not stupid enough to let him do that to her”
It is not about intelligence ever.
Abuse is about the fantasy that things will be perfect one day.
That the pure things you saw in your Abuser will one day become true.
In reality this is not true.
But when you are in the centre of the crossfire of Gaslighting, Manipulation, Lies and Threats.
It’s very hard to see the truth.
THIS is the life you will live for the rest of your life.
Yes, it is painful and there will always be those moments where you wish it never ended.
No matter how painful it was.
But this is where strength grows.
This is the exact point in your recovery where you become stronger.
Without the loss, the pain, and the regret, you have no grounds to make a better version of who you are.
- One who doesn’t,
- Let others tell them what to do.
- Feel inferior to their romantic partners.
- Allow others to put them down.
Life beyond Abuse is hard and everyday will be challenging.
But this is the one thing that kept ME going,
”If every day is not a battle, then what are you fighting for?”
I believe that every survivor can relate to this.
Every day is battle for a REASON and it’s a damn good one a that.
Also because it feels good!
It feels good to be told in words and actions that you are good, smart, beautiful and talented.
It feels good to be encouraged and cheered on.
We all need that kind of affirmation!
But this basic human need is the basis of the Narcissist’s Agenda.
They don’t really believe any of the things they are telling you, but you will believe it all.
Just when you are feeling good, a trigger will cause them to belittle and turn on you, most likely when they have found someone more willing to build them up.
Whether it’s with someone more beautiful, more accomplished, or more coddling to their fragile ego.
They will not care how much it hurts you.
They will not hear you crying from the pain they caused you, except to tell you that you are weak and pathetic, heaping insult to injury.
It’s all part of how they work, whether they do it consciously or not.
You must see that this other human being can be the source of your deepest misery, just as easily as they add to your happiness.
Your happiness, your affirmation and your encouragement, have to come from deep inside of you, and you have to be able to believe it on your own, without your Narcissist or anyone else confirming it.
Until then, your cycle of being nurtured and then trampled on by your Narcissist will not stop.
Don’t believe the hype!
These are sick individuals and YOU CAN’T heal them.