Why Survivors Won’t Forgive The Narcissist?
Speaking as a Survivor, I think one of the reasons it took me so long to forgive my Abuser, is that the people telling me to forgive him had not one flipping clue what they were talking about.
We are taught about forgiveness in preschool.
We are taught about forgiveness in church Jesus said to turn the other cheek.
We are told to forgive each other as God has forgiven us, which means to love each other unconditionally.
Forgiveness is not that simple nor it is that easy.
How do I forgive a person whose presence threatens my emotional and mental health?
How do I forgive someone who feels no remorse?
How do I return to a state of unconditional love for a person who ruined a large portion of my life?
These questions are simply not addressed by those overly watered down lessons from Preschool and Churches.
I had to figure it out for myself.
The first step was the hardest.
The first step was to get angry.
Anger is a really important part of healing.
I had such low self esteem.
I was in such denial over what had happened.
It took me months after escaping to be able to even recall it and to realise it wasn’t my fault.
I had to learn how to be angry on my own behalf to understand the injustice that had been done to me.
To understand the hypocrisy in a fatherly figured man that I loved who with words said he cared about me but with actions destroyed and shattered my heart.
Anger was what gave me back my sense of self and self worth.
Anger gave me the strength to seek help.
Anger gave me the ability to speak up.
Some things in life are worth getting angry about and there is so much goodness that comes out of a Narcissist’s victim being able to channel it on her own behalf.
In my opinion, we get to hang onto it for as long as we need to.
It is a really good thing and for people fighting their inner demons to reclaim their self worth and self advocacy, it can be a powerful tool.