Why The Flip From Jekyll To Hyde So Quickly?!
A question that hits one of the most important aspects of this disorder.
My understanding of this is what I call an emotional umbilical cord between The Narcissist and you.
It is through this umbilical cord that The Narcissist sucks you dry of your emotional energy without which he like a foetus can’t survive.
The second item is a split in the mental picture he has of himself hence also of you.
He sees neither himself nor you as a single integrated individual.
Note that individual means one person.
But A Narcissist actually sees two persons.
One is all good and one is all bad without any gradient between the two.
Which person he perceives at any given moment depends on what happens to be going on inside his head, within the circuits of his psychic structure at that particular moment.
This is also referred to as lack of object constancy.
The object is you.
Constancy is what the word infers so normally you are perceived as a single whole person with some good attributes and some imperfections but who is constant in having these attributes and imperfections with a gradient between the two extremes.
So why does he flip from Mr. Nice to Mr. Nasty and from Jekyll to Hyde so quickly?
Why the lack of constancy?
Usually for reasons that you were unaware of as in I didn’t see that coming.
Something you said perhaps or didn’t say.
Something you did that didn’t meet his expectations of perfection.
Often something so trivial that if he told you would bewilder you.
That’s because whatever it was or wasn’t it made the circuitry in his brain flip his mental picture of himself from the white half of the circle to the black half.
Then in a heartbeat, panic sets in causing him to activate his defence against the threat by projecting it and dumping it on you.
And then when the ugliness is over, he behaves and feels as though nothing had happened while you are trying to put your sanity back together again.
Indeed nothing ever did happen for him because now having dumped the ugliness on you he has flipped back to the white half of the circle.
The black half no longer exists.
That circuitry is inactive.
That is why you are always walking on eggshells and it’s why only a specialty trained and skilled professionally can have a chance at helping him, assuming he seeks help which is usually not the case.
You can neither predict nor prevent these turns as you put it or preserve your own sanity by trying to cope with him.
There is nothing you can point to in his current life that warrants such panic reactions.
It is literally all in his head.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a real curse.
Also because he took off the mask.
It gets exhausting trying to craft perfect reactions and emotions all the time.
If he gets frustrated and tired by not getting the responses he wants then what good is a mask anymore?
So he drops the mask like a hat.
You are going to see his ugly side but if it gets to that point then he has probably given up on trying to look good for you.
However he might come back with a new mask just for you.
If he doesn’t then it’s nothing personal.
He simply doesn’t have the effort to pretend if you aren’t offering something he wants anymore.