Why The Mask?!
The Narcissist’s mask is what he wears to assert a face of superiority and entitlement, protecting himself from feelings of invalidation and insecurity which are intolerable to him.
The Mask forms the hard core shell around a very weak and vulnerable inner core, sense of self.
This strong and resilient facade disguises the vulnerable and insecure true-self that seeks to be approved and admired.
Being A Narcissist is a tiring draining endeavour, emotionally and psychologically due to wearing the mask all the time.
A Narcissist doesn’t experience emotions like you and I do.
Our love was very real.
His may have been convincing but it wasn’t real.
He didn’t feel any of the vulnerability, trust or the bonding that we did.
He observed and mimicked what we expressed but he didn’t feel it.
He was wearing a mask.
This is why it’s so simple for him to drop and replace us at a moment’s notice, while it takes us years to recover.
The beginning of the relationship was the stage of idealisation and during this phase you were love bombed, adored, attended to and revered.
The Mask On And Off.
When you first met him and during the initial weeks of getting to know him, you were falling in love with his mask, a phantom and a work of creative fiction.
A creature devoid of emotion and empathy but you couldn’t spot the signs because you were ‘off your head’ because he gave you so much attention.
A New Dawn.
When you suddenly realise that you are in withdrawal and realise that something’s shifted in your relationship, you will develop a new state of fear and anxiety.
Suddenly you are not getting those early morning texts, those little love notes and the late night phone calls.
Less attention and little admiration.
The Golden light begins to turn in to darkness.
The Narcissist once fulfilled every wish of yours and every desire until you became yesterday’s plaything.
From Idealisation To Devaluation.
Deep down when you cross the precarious threshold into never never land, you will know that something has changed but you can’t put ‘your finger on it’.
You don’t want to come across as insecure or needy so you keep silent, all the while the voice in your head is telling you that something is wrong.
The Narcissist subtly minimises you, something you instinctively sense but can’t comprehend.
Something is definitely off!
Yesterday seems so far away.
You yearn for that look in his eyes, the sparkle, the smile and the gushing response when you say something.
It’s the beginning of the end.
Believe me, you have slipped into the devaluation phase, down the halter skelter into the matrix, a plethora of gaslighting, silent treatment, stonewalling, triangulation and smearing is coming your way.
Suddenly The Narcissist is no longer available at your beck and call.
He’s no longer fawning after you and now he seems bored and uninterested in you.
Now it’s you doing all the chasing and asking yourself what the hell happened?
Devaluation is when the mask is begining to slip.
A Narcissist wears his mask outdoors, when trying to manage secondary and tertiary sources of supply and he must not let it slip
Ignorance is vital to him in order to perpetrate his abuse and manipulation.
Ignorance is what The Narcissist requires and that is why the mask is so important.
If people see him for who he truly is ‘the game is lost’.
He must maintain the pretence at any cost.
That is why his image is so important and it’s why he erupts with absurd over reactions to slights because he or anyone else must not confront his true-self!
His false-self is omnipotent, god like despite being an act of pure fantasy and illusion.
Public Angel And Private Wretch.
A Narcissist will rarely take off his mask to anyone but his primary source or perhaps a close relative who he enjoys abusing.
Most of his venom and vitriol is retained just for you!
Mostly in public his mask stays on and in private it comes off, behind closed doors so the outside world can’t see the wretched beast that’s slaying your soul.
The public versus private contrast is why it’s so difficult for others to believe you once you have been smeared!
The Narcissist plays the victim to the outside world perfectly.
To the outside world, it’s tedious to maintain the fake persona but it’s doable because his vicarious existence and perpetual lust for a new supply requires him to do so.
Occasionally when he has a bad day it might slip in public and generally the perfect remedy will be a quick apology here, a bit of love bombing there and no one is none the wiser.
However, you as his significant other is different because you are the chosen one!
The one chosen for supply and the one chosen for abuse and manipulation.
Behind closed doors at the end of the idealisation phase and the beginning of the devaluation phase the mask will slip regularly and this is all part of the process.
The Mask is the key tool of deception.
The Mask is the tool which The Narcissist hides behind both from himself and the outside world.
It’s the shield which he uses to get what he wants.
Occasionally it slips when The Narcissist is dealing with someone who triggers him.
Someone who he deems inferior, inept or unimportant to him.
These unassuming victims will suffer his barbarism albeit temporarily.