Why Will I Never Stop Writing?!
Those who can’t remember the past are condemned to repeat it.
If you haven’t experienced A Narcissistic Abuse you will never understand it.
When I finally stumbled on the word and meaning of Narcissist I started to see a torch light at the end of a very long dark tunnel.
The torch light was The Answer.
Finding the answer is all consuming and there simply are not enough books or blogs to Fill that need for knowledge.
I knew something was wrong but never dreamt it had a name and a condition.
Many others have shared a similar or exact same situation and experience.
After the acceptance of what has happened, how I have been affected came the need to understand why me?
How did I fall for this for so long?!
Followed with an almost simultaneous realisation of all those odd memories suddenly making sense and the realisation of how deep the deception actually was.
How could I be so Stupid, so Naive, so Trusting so Empathic and not see that all this time I have been stripped apart piece by piece and destroyed from the inside out.
As I read others stories I remembered my own story and things I have buried or tried to forget.
Things I had come to Accept as normal I suddenly see is NOT normal.
It is always easier to heal our own problems by seeing it reflected through someone else’s life.
It is a way of coming to terms with my very painful and personal experience without always telling someone not until I was ready.
Once I have healed and understood enough came a need to share my story, write about it, talk about it and Help Others.
It is all about understanding, healing and helping others.
I will never tire of reading or talking about it. Not ever.
Narcissistic Abuse is ubiquitous in our lives today,
The only upside to experiencing the Abuse is that now I’m A Narcissist Aware and I won’t be a victim again.
That I have learnt my lesson and started to love myself, set my own boundaries and moved on.
Narcissists are in our family, work environment, friendship group and love life.
Whenever there is misery in our life, look for the Narcissists because they create chaos and powerlessness like a normal person creates carbon dioxide.
Now at least I can heal and move on.
Narcissists can never truly move on because they never heal, they never learn and they will never find love.
They are like sharks circling in ever decreasing circles until finally they are all alone.
The experiences that caused trauma are present and alive inside the victims for quite some time after it all ends no matter what.
Engaging the material and relating the experiences actually helps reach the end of it faster by helping others to understand what really happened.
Disbursing the anger and outrage through venting, relating and finding validation in other victims which is a key to a proper healing.
The reason it seems to an outsider that a victim may be perpetuating their own misery is because the healing timeline is extremely long from these types of traumas.
If you haven’t experienced such a thing it would be difficult to imagine such a long healing period and the depth of the wounds.
I assure you that working to avoid talking about it is not the answer that helps any victim.
This thinking is more about the onlooker.
Maybe a mindset like If you didn’t talk about it so much you wouldn’t be suffering still and I wouldn’t have to deal with you making things difficult for both of us unnecessarily.
I assure you that talking about it, taking in related material is a crucial part of the moving on process.
It is also a way of going through it that will teach victims how to help themselves to not end up with another Narcissist.
Stuffing everything and avoiding it teaches nothing and prepares a person for another cycle of the same experience.
What do you need to set yourself free from it once and for all?
You need Time,
Lots of time without any judgement.
Time with compassion, validation and support from others is the most helpful to healing.
This is an Injury.
I realise you can’t see the wounds but like a broken leg it takes time to mend.
We can’t be expected to run on the broken leg until it has finished healing.
It just can’t be forced to be done already.
We can’t think away trauma in an instant with a positive attitude.
It is chemicals and processes at work internally.
It has to be patiently waited out and coaxed through it.
Relating about it daily is a part of this.
Because I care about the survivors and want to help, I will always Be and supportive