You Were Targeted By A Narcissist.
There is a common fallacy that Narcissists are attracted to Codependent weak women.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
Narcissists are not attracted to any type.
They assess everyone, male or female for what they can offer them.
It could be as simple as a quick hookup if The Narcissist is bored or it could be a family if that is what he needs to get ahead in business.
But! it is especially delicious Narcissistic Supply if The Narcissist can hook an intelligent, self sufficient, independent woman.
If she is also beautiful!?
Do you have any idea how much of an ego boost it is for him to destroy a woman like that?
First of all to hook her,
Everyone will assume he must be a great man and really special to get a woman like her.
A woman who attracts the attention of men where ever she goes.
A woman who chooses men carefully and doesn’t need a man.
At first he will be telling everyone how special she is and how lucky he is to have found her.
In the beginning he is getting all the supply he needs just through his association with a high quality woman.
He will exaggerate her talents, achievements and will tell her constantly how special she is and that he has never met a woman as together as her.
She might even feel a bit uneasy with his apparent idolisation of her.
Yes, she is good but come on she is only a human.
It feels good to be thought so highly of especially compared to every other woman he has ever met.
He will treat her so well so then she will make a conscious decision to let her guard down, let a man do for her for a change.
He then closes the web around her tighter and tighter and before she knows it she is in too deep to easily escape.
And then the slow Devaluation begins.
The constant whittling away at her self confidence.
The Gaslighting and twisting facts.
Questioning her sanity and her capability to function when she has always been Veraciously Independent.
It was in August 2016 when I met The Narcissist.
I had always been a strong woman with strong opinions, high morals and firm boundaries.
I had been told by men that I was intimidating, too independent and that they felt I didn’t need them.
Well I didn’t need them.
But it does get tiring always packing the load.
And here I had this man who loved the way I was.
Who I had a connection like I had never had before ,, My SoulMate.
I wasn’t going to lose this man after I had earned his wonderful attention.
I trusted his love explicitly.
I allowed myself to be weak and handed over my power little by little.
He seemed to want to take care of me.
I thought he would appreciate me trusting him but he was disgusted by it.
The more I forgave the more disgusted he got and the more he hurt me.
Every time I forgive him and took him back he probably thought, you stupid woman, you deserve to be hurt for being so gullible and naive.
The only time he was loving was when I got strong and was about to leave.
He would apologise for hurting me and admit to everything he had done wrong and promise never do it again as it was never his intention to hurt me.
Once he had me again The Abuse would be worse.
The thing with strong women is that we tend to hang in longer.
We have always been capable of recouping, making things happen, fixing things because we are not quitters.
We will keep rising to the challenge and he will keep knocking us down.
By the time he dumps us, we are a shell of the woman we once were.
No one recognise us any more, we are ashamed and everyone we know is simply surprised.
How could we let a man do this to us?
We are acting Co-dependent, Needy and Weak.
Then he walks away with a sneer and sick grin, Look at you! What man would want from a whiny, clingy, paranoid woman like you?
Now when we try to explain what happened and how we were emotionally abused until our souls were broken we won’t be believed.
Often times those who don’t believe The Victims say it’s because The Abuser is too nice or too good of a person.
No one so kind could do the terrible things the victim says they did!
The Victim must have misunderstood, is exaggerating or flat out lying!
What the non believing people fail to realise is that this is typical of Abusive people, Narcissists in particular.
Abusers have two sides.
The side they show the public and the side they show those closest to them, their victims.
Behaving in such a manner guarantees that the victim won’t be believed if he/she decided to tell others about what The Abuser did.
People will believe the charade of a good person because Abusers are notoriously good actors.
Some are even able to convince mental health professionals they aren’t abusive and that the victim is lying.
If someone you know tells you that someone else you know is abusing them but you don’t believe it, please keep this in mind.
Don’t brush someone off because the person they accuse of abuse is too nice to do such things.
If you don’t live with that person then you don’t know the real person!